The Clever Dummies Podcast
The Clever Dummies Podcast

Episode 9 · 1 year ago

The CDP // Ep9: Love, Relationship and SEX!

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

DT, thank you so much or joining in I'mlucky joined as always by Nikhowe going today my brother, inm, Grerty and great.You know loving life, everything's brilliant, very excited for today's episode. Howare you your head doing really well miht super excited. I feel, like it'sbeen a couple of weeks, ben a long time between drinks. So, let's, let's notfuck ourselves around and introduced. I believe we got a very special guest ontoday. Well, that's right! That's right! So we've got Charlotte Watson. No, weonly use full names here on the show right isten here on the show. You know she'sa great friend, Weve, been friends foroughrly two years and we're calligesas well- and you know today's topic is quite relevant so and her- and I alwayshave these conversations, and so I thought it was appropriate to bring heron to this episode. Well, thank you. I thinks that thanks for having me onit's good to good, to have you here Wot, when have you been how's, everythingbeing yea gone? Really! Well, my brother big. I just dropped it beforeth. The show we recorded but mean my Charlotte, my my fiance Charlotte samename, Sant Postcode, Saine financial provider, different Finanean camp. WEWE AVON OUT CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE sign today bythe justice of peace or one step closer to being legally maied. I guess PottlStepn, there actual, so he just has to say yes, but apart from that, you know everything else is aon track. Mytyounew start a bookup. I'm going to wait three now training's going good actually about to teach my first classat our fols keep boxing next week, so ickan Sofer excited for that might so Ithink soe looking up and up and how are you by great brilliant? That's all good tohear I'm just a quick question on that. Does Sharlyn know that you guys aregetting married to yeah. Well, she doesn't yeah. She just has to sign yourpaper. You know now I mean it was four years prior to the proposal where shewas asking me to do it so yeah. I believe so she's a willing, bokbut, she's well informed on say, yeah. Well on that note, should we getstraight into today's topic? Yeah, let's get ount of the bed sheets andget amongt them mit, so just before we get into popic, I just want to sayshout out: O condemic that's happening at the moment. Yeah and people runningaway at the tym today, ther was about. We were actually attetune to the TheorYe th Tom of three people at the gym, Yeh and Old Covid nineteen yeah, which wasn't bad. I reckon goingto the gym and there's only three people there it'squite good, it's good!You can answer. Ond Genpron do backflips and you know what else wouldyou want? Yeah, that's exactly right and the blow wearing a mask and sunglasseswalking, OL crowded buildings, probably not a good idea rever. So it's probablygood deal wt theire boys, which I'm very excited to talk about,also something that I've been meaning to talk about for a while, which isrelationship, intimacy, sex and everything that sort of surrounds thatsort of realm, and this is that's that's why we had chawlate on the showas well, because her and I have very productive conversation or all thesetopin yeah, not because necessarily I'm a professional in these toingwe're, notprofessionals. Any of these topic we just like having thise, binlisectionsand yeah, but that's how we just do it yeah Y, that's right, and you know lotthat I thought it might be appropriate as well, because you're walking wayinto a real relationship, yeah at's, Trit, five and a Ha asty Iwell. You know H, there's me so et. We got three three people lookingat the same thing, so that should be good man, but we're all a different stages inrelationships as well, because lucky, you said Youre five years in is thatright and just yea e Ma, yeah yeah. So I'm in a relationship as well and we'vebeen together for a year on Monday and I congradulategota Nakelteing to myvoice and people. Just hearing me on podcast becuse. We will tell what myrelation is. TEVICIS, yes, e, there's nothing wrong with beatingthe dead horse, as they say might so will keek on with it. You know it's Lookit, it's one of thosetopics that people don't talk about much very often, and so many of so manyof these things are taboo as well, and you know I was orthe over the week. Wewere talking about this as to what we women actually do and what we're goingto talk about. So you know there were...

...few notes that I made as well. So youknow so one of the few thing one of the things that I want to look at was why why relationship Fal right? So that'sone of the things and not just negative and wide relationships, work as well aswell as why when Ocamy doesn't work and why I I's still kind of a good thing,and it's not that good of a great thing. So one of those things is well and morefor obviously you know those are Jus, some ideas that I'm throwing out thereand you know once we get started guys aid. You know you guys cay all jumpingand just sort of get the boll wrongly sounds wonderful to me. My friend, likethe great captain, you arm I'll trust your ability to lead the ship on thatopic. You know much about it's all good and well and like you, you do have a beautiful spective onmost things and you cantinuall surprise me every week, so I'm sure I'm going tobe bowled over once again my friend yeah I'm going to be blown away. Let'ssee what he's going to say: paanly he's good, a det to sorry m. that's what happend, when twowhites get togero apologize that especially an Istralia is ig halet's.Let's get started with one of the things I want to talk about. You knowthere was another topic that we tolk asa went thoul you step into arelationship of a friend that you think is probably yeah yeah. So we weretalking about this the other day at one of their gym sessions and basically,the the way that it came about was if your friends with someone and you'veknown them for a really long time and they're in a relationship that you cansee from an outside perspective, isn't necessarily good for them or workingWendyyou Stef in or should you step in and say anything so that was what wasbrought up, and we were talking about that and I thought yeah I reckon Iwould. I would want to step in because I know if I was in that position in therelationship and people were seeing things from the outside that I maybewasn't seeing. I would want someone to step in and say, hey actually justSayng Yo. No, this is kind of what we're seeing from the outside and youknow it might be different on the inside, but I think I'd prefer someoneto tell me what d you guys recon. Well, my onlyproblem is, I just find that whole topic difficult. Maybe this is a guything or maybe this is just a MEA thing. I find difficult because often when youstep in and especially if you're friends with the guy from Aslis for mysype of thing, it just ends up looking like a Bropinion, Bropinion, apropinionopinion right or like you know often, you know these are saying that so takemasculinto the eye. Yeah wet this, a saying that, like you know that gotguys only like like when the you know, often friendships don't work after oneof the boys get into a relationship. It's because you know what theespecially with the single friend. So the single friend just wants thatperson to be what he was before the relationship, and you know and and heit's meven if he doesn't really think he's doing it, he might bepsychologically weirdly wanting his friend back. You know us like well, youknow we used to hang up and do all these fun things together, especiallyif that friendly single, you know, they'll be a part of Riet friend. Youknow just mentally thinking. Hey, like you know, come back. You know the thedevil being the devil. You know what do you see, you're saying that itwould come across badly to you would be afraid that it would come across badlyto your friend and that it wouldn't be coming across as like a genuine concern?U for the relationship and future, at least at least that's what I feel likeand I'm obviously you know open to a suggestion as to what you guys think and you know, and do you think that'sor maybe I might just be selfish and no think and that's what would happen. I don't think you'e being selfish. Ithink you, I think, you're just taking into consideration a lot of differentthings lucky. What do you reckon? Well, I believe it's like any situation. It'salways a case by case basis and I've always found honesty to be the bestpolicy and it sounds pretty cliche. So I guess it probably it's dependentlargely upon your relationship. You HAV with that person, and you know howclose you are with that person. Have you guys discussed these sort of thingsbefore and obviously giving the relationship time to develop likeyou're not going to just jump in after a couple of weeks and do a clack mit?You know you'r change men. Well, you want to be a change man, but I thinkyou know if you're your ce you're evolving yourself with another person,but I think it's almost your dudy as a friend and that there might be a chancethat you could lose a friend or you could you know you could experience it,maybe a bit a hardshit with your friend...

...if you're suggesting one thing and thertheir emotions ar tell him another. That's probably the hardest thing aboutgiving people adviceis the fact that you know that there's there's anemotional attachment from there and there ies not an emotional attachmentfrom Ollen, but I'm always pretty pretty firmly stand by the principle ofbeing honest. And if you see something say something and like, if you know weall know people, I've got two very close people to me in my life right now that have been. You know, I believe,been drastically affected by the outer influence of a woman, not that that'sgot anything to do with Generatis Theyre, my friends, they, my guyfriends and obviously there were two girls and, to be honest, H, I probably couldhave been in a position where I could have said something earlier, but at thesame time, like I'm kind of guilty of believing one thing, an'r not puttingit into practice like there was an emotional. You know, emotional textwhen I had to both these two people- and you know- maybe I had have saidsomething I maybe wouldn't have ever spoken to these people again or maybeit would ha change things. I think honestly is always the bestpolicy, and if you see something say something, and you know if they can'tsee it, they don't want to see it whatd. It is what it is, but I think we've gotto live our lives looking out for the people, we love and if you know almostby saying nothing, you can be. You know doing the worst thing, and I agree I mean it depends on yourapproach as well. You know you got to be pretty tactful with that sort ofstuff. I know some of my friends have got to otherfriends and been like so di. You notice this in him and they're like Oh, like maybe I've kind of picked up on afew things, so I've seen it be done very pretty delicately and it's kind of beenthe best way to do it between between friends so yeah, but that was myexperience with it. Yeah it'SSee, that's interesting,interesting in because I've always been actually quite opposite, so ther Yougo,I think between the two of you guys. I have just learned some new perspectiveknow if you can learn perspective, but I'm think of geting fe me perspectiveyeah for sure I hear what you guys Ti Taying. I think the only thing youwould, even though I hear what you guys are saying, I think I still do think ifno play. If you don't play your cards right, it could come across as you justbeing annoying and go wellie. I guess it depends on the situation of therelationship right because I think lucky what you were talking about. It'son it kind of sounded a little bit more like serious, like I. There might havebeen some kind of domestic issues like conspris domestic issues, and I thinkmaybe w Ani you're talking about is maybe a little less serious, maybe likepeople that aren its compatible in a relationship. Is that an like an likehearing that right yeah? So I guess it depends on the nature of thatrelationship as well and how you approach it, because, obviously, ifit's a domestic violence situation, I thinkone hundred percent you step in, and you say something in you and you helpthose people. Yeah obviously depends on the situationand you definitely step in in that sort of situation but yeah. I guess if youknow the, if yo your mate sagjust in a relationship with someone and you thinkthat they're not very compatible. I guess you know that's. I think it'sokay. To broach that. I think it's all right, because if they're your friend,you want them to have a good life. You want them to be in a relationship withsomeone that they love and is going to support them, and you know ultimately want the best forthem as well. So I think that's part of being a friendis that you would just talk up when you' to I feel like that'sthe lines I guess I was approaching to thankfully it have. I don't know peopleI don't know of people that are involved in a relationship that hasphysical abuse. So I guess maybe maybe you could make the argument of like anemotional, emotionally abusive relationship in terms of control whennot allowing them to see other people. That sort of thing so like that'salmost not as bad, obviously because there's no physical harm, but that'sbad in e sex, because you've loseany part of yourself, but it's also, it's probably also beingaware of those things happening before they do or before it hits that stageand just like anything like it's. Never a big thing that happened to once isalways like these little things and slowly start to see. People change andyou start to see things they maybe would have been really aware of andwouldn't have let happen over time. Just like anything, you becomeaccustomer, Comeim, Mune to it and and eventually starts the deterior rate, soyou've obviously got to make that judgement off that like if you justthink that person's not going to be fun anymore, nd you're not going to Sey hemone weekends. Well, that's probably a little bit superficial and probably fornot with the right reasons but yeah. If you generally love the person and youare consurme that they might be heading down a road, that's going to be hard tocome back from then I'd say that's probably the circumstance and thenthat's obviously much easier Sitin. The done, though, because you at the end ofthe day you're an outside of looking in...

...yeah yeahreyeah. Well, that's so Isupposeful that anse that question, I suppose, if you ever have a friend ever have a friend who's going througha possible not of a great relationship. You know you definitely should step inwith, with wit, tack, with techic. You know. Well, you know, just being justbe, you know diplomatic and sensitive to the situation and know that theymight get defensive about it, because it's their relationship and effectively that's a reflection oftheir choice in a person Ori and, I think, often what happens inrelationship as well. Even if, let's say even this is o your friend You'rapproaching, what happens? Is People get a grow? Obviously they growin moreemotional attachment, but they also grow a defense mechanism and a fear ofbeing possibly being alone in the future. Tocome. So often, people will defend their relationship even if it's notworking just just out of the fear of being alone une along loan on the longrun so ye I grand yeah. I find that quiteinteresting, so you really truly would have to be really techful and sort ofcome in from like a very objective point of view. So you knowwhe Youre actually saying you know, hey like what do you think do you thinkthis is a problem like what's happening with your like this thing, that'shappening that I just want to o run it by you heat. What you think of what doyou think of this thing, or you know, O hey by the way you know I've noticedthat your partner does x at this point, or you know or has said this to you acouple of times, and you know how did how does that make? You feel just kindof bringing it to their attention because, like I said they might noteven know that mis is happening, especially if it's an emotional sort ofabuse hand. I dot mean to get to. You, know deep and heavy with thisr stuff,but you know people if they've been manipulated in a relationship like thatthey probably don't even know because they're just so controlled by thatother person and the ones that know ar too confortable toever just acknowledgeit. Po is that as wone but yeah Eah, that'sright. If sometimes, if that person, you know, unfortunately right placeright time, they were susceptible to the personality like that Iva throughhardship or that overlook overdependence on being alone, becausethat's a scare that thing scary than anything else is being by yourself ard,not having someone there for you and that's kind of the ultimate form of anipulation. The person who makes you believe they're, thereforeyou but they're also causing to harm to. I guess the question ID need to askmyself and would suggest other people to ask himself is like the ultimatetonundrom like way it up. Like. Is this getting to a point now of no return?And if it is approaching that point, then it's it's pull up ship and go TORgoal like I you've got to try to figure out a way to Dal probperly, but youprobably just goint to do it Asit's just too it just happens too often. Ithink I've experienced it too much already yet of a thing. TAT can be good. Peoplecome on, thats, come on yeah, be a good person and makes me sometinjust step in fir o well. You know that actually sort of brings brings usright to the next topic, and this is this. Is I I'm so interested in this?One is often why relationships don't work, that's a big Oma, that's that's! So that's what does the surface will justthe samething, and you know I'm going to start with the things that I'm goingto sy few of the blist few of the reasons why I tin relationships don'twork, and then you guys tell me what you think and then you tell me why youyou don't think they were, and you knalso tell me that what I think is notcorrect. So one of the things I think that relationships, don't wear is thefirst first one. First, the foremost one is the: When people start arelationship. Sometimes the start of the relationshipis not on a solid foundation, and I keep I talk about the fear of beingalone a lot and I find a lot of a lot of people get into relationships out ofthe fear of being alone. The second one being is judgment, and that is a major one and many manyrelationships. It doesn't just doesn't have to be a relation intimaterelationship to for for that relationship. Tofoller for forout, itcould be. You know, judgment across anyone with you, calleg, your friendsis judgment will feel any you know willruin any o your relationship, so you know there's judgment as well and Ithink the last one is complacent. Complacency complacency in a sensewhere you know when you start to seeing someone at first o know you make aneffort, you know you go ot for dinner and YOUV. You know you even on you evenwith yourself, you go to the gym and...

...you do all those stuff, but a a dayspass. You get more used to that person, and you know you just think you knowyou. You think that that person is just you know. You justdeserve that person in a sense ofway. That person's just being like you know,like you, don't think about your bet, because you just you don't tank yourbed is that, like you know, we talked about in the episode for GratinyodeThees, the things that I just implie, you just assume that they're alwaysthere. It's just like that with your partner, you know you become morecomplacent and you think. Well, you know it's not like Thet Person Sa weregoing to go anyway, so he or she's always going to be there. I think thosethree things are the biggest relationship killers. I'll add to that and I'll say I reckonjealousy- is a big one as well. I think, if there's a lack of trust in arelationship that can really break it down from the inside out, I thinkthat's a a big one to to adtule e, but yeah. I agree with. I agree with thoseones, definitely yeah. What do you think Mot Wen the and they're all likekeyingredients into like a really big Pie? You like it ultimately, the IIbelieve the purpose of relationship is to merge like two lives into one, soI've got your back. You've got my back. What your problem is my problem, but ittakes a long time to reach that stage, and one thing that I found for myselfthat I had to really work on, I'm so lucky in so many different ways with Charlotte the the love of my life lhere. So manygreat things that she's brought into my life, but the one thing that I had to learnthe one thing hat she was very good at very early- was compromised so beingbeing a young dude. Being someone who was set on trying to set out a path formyself and Forhat, I knew all the ETES, and for this is where I wanted to go. Iwas very selfish in Ta sense and I was selfish for what I thought was theright reasons, but they were the wrong reasons, so I wasn't willing tocompromise the little things, even things that she would want to do, thatI didn't want to do or vice a verseor or why don't you like this, like? Howcan you not like this? Well, it doesn't. Does it really matter? The fact is they do like it. So you'vegot to try to make room for that in their lives and make room for that inyour life, and I think the mere fact of sharing the experience with the otherperson is more important than what what the actual experience is so being ableto compromise in terms of everything in terms of the relationship. If one person is overly talkative andlikes to be open about themselves and the other person isn't at that stage,yet compromise works in business works inrelationships, works in friendships, works in planning anything so yeahcompromise was definitely a big one. For me and one that I feel like, I seea lot of people. Unfortunately, don't address very well it's you know.Ultimately I believe it's, as I said before. It's about merging to the one.Then you've got to have that mindset and just too many people unportuatlycan't can't get over that hurdle. I don't necessarily agree with thecompromise part, or at least I don't like the word of Co, the wordcompromise and that's why you're single H, atcouse, of course I know You'egonnasay. When you choose a Bater Right, I think you you never you can't becompromising in a sense where you say well. I have to ber with that person'spocativeness. I think that's when I was talking about judgment in a sense,because then, if you're compromising, if you say Yo Kay, will I pull up withthis? If you're thinking like that, like, I think I get what we were sayingLok when I think it's just the wording of like compromise. It just makes methink personally that compromises, something you know- has a negativeconnadation to it, where you were saying that, Oh you know I'll put upwith this we're saying you know, I love you or love you for whoever you are orsaying that you know you know. Yeah theye might be things that we don't.You know we don't don't exactly match Om. We don't have to because we twodifferent people, but it's the things that we can do together, make astronger make us thise. You know toget what the things that we do together andthings that we, you know agree on other things that make us incredible, and youknow in fact those things that we don't agree on is also really good, becauseyou don't really want to be in relationship with yourself either Imean that's probably just me Mik Ting. I think the Meri gets old, affer awhile yeah you get what I mean on that and what I, what I mean, thet yeah,exactly you do like yeah this th. That's, why that's why people fall outlike a lot of friends will fall out because they do so many things together,all the so much alike that eventually the thing that you're that' most makesyou you, like you actually oftentimes, can't handle that in other people. It'sa very interesting look into the the psychology of a lot of people yeah.

I want to add to the compromise thingas well, because in Eto we Kini we can Li et cave. We ojust adding to it, Ithink, with with the compromising, if your partner is willing to compromisefor you. That is a big sign of respect. For me. That's how I would interpretthat because they're listening to what I'm saying, ther understanding thatthis is something that I want or need, and it might not exactly suit them inthat particular situation, but they're willing to try and make it work so thatI get what I need and they still get what they need and they're not missingout in any sort of sense. So I personally think that compromise is abig thing, even if it's on things that are seemingly insignificant, yeah in daylife yeah, because what Wei CIS, like a small math equation that adds up to abig problem like thes one percent, is they build it and and like you're rightlike you're, definitely not wrong by any men. There nakeds, I guess maybe alittle bit. The word compromise gives a you know, pprovides a different emotionto you than what it does for me and then obviously you're not going toyou know. That's where a lot of people and that's where I think people can beeasily. Let is they're just too compromisive like they're, just likesay yes to everything. So, like that's, obviously an issue on itself, but theway I can articulate in the way I can visialize comprobise is like you've gottwo jigs or puzzles like they kind of match. They don't kind of match. Theyfit really well in some areas. They don't feel in other ways, but you'reable to mold and blend the Aras to make the relationship work at the end of theday. And if you change your peace too much then you're changing yourself.That's not a good thing, but if you don't change enough, if you don't growenough, a then ultimately you're not going to fit with that other person for sure Wi shop, I ihundred percentagree, but I think my omy problem mythatic. This is what I'm saying soI'm saying if you're choosing a partner right when the work is not compromise,when you make adjustment, do you get he that's what I'm going to say. I sayit's almost th. I was actually going to talk about this. I think it's actuallypeople assume that relationships work. It's just like implie. Therelationships work right no, but in relationships are just like going tothe gym you need to put in o work. You know forst, for someone to to Truy Fallin love with your someone to pruly realize that this you know you are likeyou guys are, like you know, ment to be together at the rest of your life andall that type of stuff right. That person is truly being there for youthat actually takes work. It's not like that. You take someone out for dinner,one night or like know, Gook food for them or anything else. WHYDO. You dosomething nice and you give them a compliment. It's not that it's theaccumulation of those things, and it is a cimulation of those small compromises.The only thing when I want to say is the fact that is that maybe ourrgeneration that is starting to see those things as compromises or you know.I would assume that those things should be inplies to start with the fact that,if you're going to get into a relationship, you should know thatyouill have to make mall adjustments. Ind See adjustments, im more happylycompromise just makes meu sound, like you know, makes me feel like that. I'mmaking a compromise with my boss, when I e really want to punch hem in theface, but I'm compromised, because I don't want to lose Ma. yeahthat'tacompromise. It compromises like a small piece of the puzzle to so likeyou're, not always going to be problem solving and doing everything else, butit's just an important attribute to have to in order to have a Successulelationship, I think for sure Yeah Agreed O. No, I agree that you need to makeadjustments. I just don't you know, I don't like the connotation of the wordcompromise, but that's, but you still you still the meaning. Even if you changing theword, it still has the same offor sure, meaning. If I was doing someone Iwouldn, you know if there's something that really pisses are off, I would belike: Okay Cool. You know I'm not going to do that. Yeah, that's more of acompromise yeah, whereas an adjustment is like a slight alteration: Yeah Yeah Yeah. You know I obviously I agreethat I won't do that like Yo'll, be like okay find. I won't do that. Well,like you know, I was like you know. If I'm like you know, come home and likethrow my shoes off like and then which is like, which I do right soon as I gethome, I just throw onch es. They want you there right and then she goes well.Don't do that and she said a few time I'll be like yeah. I guess maybe I'llput that be. I wont told Him Away Know. Can you tell my partner to adjust hisbehavior by putting them bout that can we tell mfor aed, okay, look right, okay, thisis, whereI'm coming from with that one, because...

...if it's at my house toilet see staysdown okay shop right, he can lift it up when he's using it, but it's down whenhe's not using it. If it's at his house, it can be up as much as he wants it tobe up and I'm happy to put it down. Do you think? That's fair? That'sabsolutely far. You know this is this war has been going on as long as it'sjust maklthe adjustment boy come on. To be honest, I'm actually gonna, I'mactually gonna. I was always with this is Wa. How much does it take? In fact?To be honest, what I do I always just shut the whole thing down, because itactually smells an Lik neutral that Maye you put the lid down as wellthatothhleespecially if you've noved the Cannyat yeah, that's probably best,and I guess the conversation can be had is like why r you' not doing it like ifit's habit like habits of one of those things like I find that too that's. Ittook me a long time to start doing that because I just wasn't in the habit ofdoing it like I'd, never done it, my entire life and then Charlotte kind ofbroke it down to me. It's just like hey by the way we live with a few otherpeople by the way you've got terrible aim at one o'clock in the morning youpiss everywhere and I'm like no Woris Fair enough andthat I started sitting down an Pissy with anyway. That's another story foranother day: actally encourage him to do that. It'sactually quite enjoyable. I put it to him. Inyou know what youcan do in our house. Wes got a bang, an ca you put up, so they just got down atso you have to hold an Oyes temate, it's the heavy GETRU L Gothe! That's the engineer coming out of yourmint is Lik who ar thought that t that works, this Geniusin, the Mo by the way howe good of he days. HasAnyone use a a day in here before no, I fuckit its Bey eit's the littlemountain, better, the toilet, to wash your ass you've been to a bank. You'vebeen a Hong Konbro that I think they've got a DA over there. It is brilliant,it is yeah. It is te sensation an I ask, ecause itink thers think in Lise bread.Can I ask: What's The aftermarth Oer the day like if you've just gone to thetoilet and Dan Poo, and then you use it the day, yeah heading you: what's the next step from there? Nothere's nothing you just but wet! You have wet. You can ge a little. You cando a little cardy be twork to get it off. That' up to you. I would use a small amount of toiletpaper just to clear out anyth n any bit of water, but ultimately you've got acotentially damp but clean us, so that', that's ultimately the objective ofgoing to the tollet to yeah. Now I just yea, I think I'm a little bit of aFreit to I just like the feeling of it Asol to so. Anyway. That's a that's all this t yeah. She does on her way towork and she works at a juvenold attention, tinner, so yeah she gets.She gets the real previewoter before she has to go in and deal with it. So just gonna say is she does she knowthis about you? She knows yeah, damn all right, Gyeah! Well,that's it! Nowi few thinks I just talk myself for an hour. Well, that's it,which I do anyway, so it is yeah lgoing back to that topic. You know, Ithink, okay, okay, if that's where you go compromise, show show for Sur. Ithink you know it's not not talking about that. There'sanother thing that I want to talk about, which is going into the next step,which is monopony. Why monovi miss arelationship right so a lot when obviously you're going toget married- and you know obviously IFOR goes well wit disolution of all ofthis you know, but look you know the reason I want totalk about this one right. I was reading about this. I'm pretty sure youdon't want to hate thes at the moment, but you know iit's rinking about thesuccess rate of relationship right yeah, a I sa bring it on bring it on. I domind. It has significantly gone down from what I ges to be right. Yeah, it's!I O. Fifty Percent Do Vorces oer well outer fifty percent. Now I think yeah.So I was really thinking about it and I was thinking I was like what'shappening what's different and you know the rate has been climbing simce like roughly, I think hi was jroghlly in onethousand nine hundred and ninety nine, or something like that from there it'sbeen like climbing and Al Right. I was thinking about, and I was reallythinking abut. I was thinking ote of the things that I also found was thefact that people were getting married later right. Like you know, my parents got marriedan like you know when my mom was nineteen not married, ran when theywere like together and they think they go married at when my mom was nottoning. Yet that's right, yeah, my yet...

...is alittle bit older. So thirtyEightyeayeah Ikeso, my parents were young right so when they go married hemy mom, was pretty young when she had me. So what I was thinking I was like. Isthere a coration between people getting married later and actually have youknow those relationships? No working? What, but me thinking was that is therea possibility that people are building stronger personalities and by the timethey're, like you, know, they're getting married theyve already built upthis whole personality youeright and when you're in the honeymoon stagebefore you together, you're not used to each other, even the plasse two threeyears, you don't really see the fool extent of the present sometime right.You know you've never seen them deal with slow Internet because you know youI'm just saying you know that could be an example. Riht, never seen yourpartner, Doi, MOS, low, internet or you've never seen your partner with maybe like how your parten deal withall people right, because you never just happened to come across. Allpeople or you didn't know that your partmen have fear of like you know,flying because you guys have never likein a door abou flying somewhere oryou didn't know that your partner has like this. You know, gets really angrywhen Het sees the Color Red Hut, I'm just saying: thes, thens right,indating, a bull jus s, Wa right. Maybe so these things I feel like couldpossibly be another thing, because you know you, so you need a favorite oftime and then all of a sudden when you're together form like in o threePort Tena Pof year, and you see each other every single day. And then yousee the real personalis turns out your parper goal. You know es a promsupporter and all of a sudden you're going to shoot it. So you know you know those those things at yoattrump, two thousand and twenty Rit an fuckaround. I think you've said so much in whatyou've just talked about just then, because I think man I mean, I think, people that getmarried later. It means that they have more of a chance when theyr younger toexperience other people and date other people and have you know, relationshipswith heaps of people before they choose to get married. I think so. I'm not. I don't know about whatthe statistics are, but I think I'm not sure if people that get married laterin their life or when they're a little bit older are ther ones that areparticularly getting divorces. I think it might be the people that are stillgetting married, quite young, other ones that are that end up getting divorced. I don'tknow, I don't know what those statistics are, but I feel like if youdo have a chance to date, other people when you're younger and have all theselife experiences and go overseas, and you know have all these really collrelationships, and then you end up finding someone when you're, thirty,five or something I feel like. You would know yourself enough, and youwould know what you like in a person what you don't like in a person andthen you would be more likely to stay with the person that you've chosen atthat point yeah. What do you think O o e plant?That's a good point, there's like in that that ties in really well because,on the one hand, yeah exactly you've had life experience. You are bettereducated on your. You know what works for you, what doesn't you're better atreading signs and other people. So if you've had bumpedol relationships andthe same thing happens over and over again, you get really good at you. Getreally good at reading those signs early. But then you could also leanback on kind of one of he. The old theoriesthat psychologyis based on it behaviorism behaviorism, is basicallythe theory that you know: Weire Beings, humic human beings of habit and thingsthat we experience and things that we deal with throughout our life have atendency to repeat themselves. So if you grow up in a household where yourparents were divorced, the likelihood that you're going to getdivorced is higher. You know same with domestic abuse same with violence, thatsort of thing so th there's a potential on one hand to get really good atknowing yourself and learning a lot about yourself and and also you know,coming to the conclusion that hey this person not might not be right for me,but there's also a potential that you fall into that loop of like wow. Thisthing I'm starting to get the same feelings I felt before and not reallygive it a real chance and then Neu kind of the ratorship ends up falling overand oftentimes. That doesn't happen overnight. It's kind of like you kindof jump out a little bit like, so you go into like that. Ninety percentcommitment mode, so you're, like kind of in but you're, not all in and thenas soon as a little bit of wind comes along kind of blows, the rest of itover. So that's really interesting and it's obviously cased by case as welllike for me. I know for one hundred and fifty percent certain to the in youknow the not a very little experience outside of the one. I have now that I'ma much better person when I have a relationship because i'me just morescended, I think more about other people, i'nd less selfish- and I wasjust you know- ik an me it. When I was eighteen a D I was just so lucky tomeet the right woman at the right time. So it's easy for me to be UV beaten,positive about it, but like I'm, pretty confident that, even if ourrelationship didn't work out, it...

...wouldn't be, it probably wouldn't be aslong as it should be before I'd Bein another one, because I feel like that'sthe best person I meant to be, and maybe there's people out there that arejust meant to be by themselves. Like I dodn't really know like, I feel like.We all should have the potential to have kids and have a good relationshipat the end of the day like if it's just going to caut kick causing us harm,then maybe it's best that some of us aren't aren in that place, andcertainly people that are out there with your will and tell intent, don'tdeserve to experience that because theyr just bad people, so it'scertainly case by case but yeah. I think I think it's just again,there's so many different factors that go into it that it's. It is a reallyinteresting thing to talk about and think about that yeah. So somewhat I mean one of the things that I want toquickly. Bounce back on was one of the things that Charlote said before youstarted. OPAN was one you were saying that you have more. You know you choose that person at alater age, so I just thought I was thinking about just then and my Lok onwas talking in the lock I was from my feer I was like. Do you think that whenyou get through like a later age is fear part of picking a Utner for either?You know, you know exclusive of gender right or you know,your preference right is fear, become a part of your part of it, because nowthey decideng to fear, you know, fear, fear of being Alon andwhich is really interesting, because in one of our earlier episode you I'm notsure. If you heard it, we talked about fary one of the end it was. We exploredthe fears which Wer the fundamental fears of Hemans right, so thefundamental fears of human one of them is actually the fear of being alone bitin a sense of fear. Being alone is not it's not the fear ferious, sointerrational in a sense, where B, you don't really feel like or Youust Goinna,you know be. You know, you'se going to be alone for like an hour, it's thefear of that. You fear that you're going to live a life whirh. No onereally cares about your appreciate your you know all those feelings that comewith people it CN with connection right. So it's fear of not having a connection,so I wonder if that fear has anything todo with it Lotwen. I was because that's when Youtugbla fearas well like if feAsanti do with picking partner, you know look sure I mean I. I can't speak for everyone in the world,but I think yeah. Definitely if he has a part of it. I think there's a hugesocial pressure as well, which might make people feel more inclined to be in a relationshipas well. I know like from a woman's perspective you know if they want tohave babies, there's a bit of a time frame on that sort of thing andgenerally there's this idea that people need to be in a relationship beforethey get pregnant, and you know continue on with that. But lookfearwise. Are you talking about with an oldercouple like at aver, but like thirty five or something yeah like a lot ofyeah? Well I mean it could go either way right, like maybe they're afraidthat they will not be able to find someone, or maybe they have just gotpast- that point of worrying and they're. Just quite happywith themselves, and they have chosen someone that theyknow compliments them as a human. I don't know I can't. I can't speak forthat. Yeah I mean this. Is I just want to hear youwhat you guys? Think of that, like you know, I, just as I do think that verywe make make sense porfered for it for Foryou to be Bord of it. It makes sensefor for to be part of it, but I mean in a perfect world you'd like to thinkthat no one has that and people are in relationships because they genuinelywant to be with that other person, not out of fear. I see I do think that a lot of peoplewould go into. Oh No, I agree with you and I'm Serus,I'm saying that in Te peec in the perfect world. Definitely it would begreat if you know if you could put that a sudden assume that everyone wants tobe in a relationship because theyor a lot of people stay in relationshipsbecause they are fear of being alone or they go back to old relationshipsbecause they're, afraid of being alone, so yeah definitely definitely happenslike it yeah it's so commen Yeah Grea yeah there was a study done on.Actually people and Sothishe was actually from a fook at. I was recentlyred and he study was done on opeople, who went back to their x partner forreason and often went back to a BESIV partners and turns out when they are,they were ut and they actually weren't shor and when they were pressed for,and they said they just thought that they were going. No, never meet anotherperson again. So that was the. That was the reason, so they just thought it wasbetter. I think there's a mot in that, though I think is lot o socsis in thatto npng into it. Yeah- and I think you know if, like we said before, ifthere's been emotional abuse involved, then you know their judgment is reallyclouded with that kind of stuff and and...

...if they've been manipulated for manymany years and controlled like that, then the abuser, let's say, makes them feel like they have no otheroption and makes them feel like no one else will love them. So I know whatyou're saying, but I feel like there's a wholeure level yeah and we could digdeper of psychological breakown pricey what the possibilities ar yeah, but youknow then then well be a serious, podcast yeah. Well then, it's case bycase and yeah like that's the thing with that's a thing with talking in theoryto is like there's so many different ways that that's correct and incorrectoin the somely ways that hit now the hiad, so many people that have been inthat sort of experience in people that have never experienced it. So there'sno wrong etorits, just like what's right for this situation, but they'redefinitely key contributing factors yeah but yeah. I absolutely agree withboth of you guys where you're saying on that sense, a d you it's reallyinteresting, but you know I would like to look really. I mean I haven otingmore into why Er's no working and I sort of know what why it's no workingand the fact like the facts are like this started to seem like the corration,but then again thing Wi, like making those kind of connections between twodifferent fectur facts are like we used to talk about this fact where peoplepeople who eat ice cream arm more likely to Driv a drunk right, but todrown yeah to Drun right in Ice Ceane, just newo like y. no, and so that's efact, they said they did a study, the said on people who are eating ice creamfrom that guy, like from last pea shop, more people Ai, I peen more peopledrunk right, but what they didn't realize was the the Jin taking fomaccount was the fact that it was Tomver at a be more people assuming in thefirst place anyway right, so that that was an example of when you think abouttwo facts. Then fi put to fit together, but sometimes you don't know the fullstory of they might be another factor that we can't see. Yes, yeah so yeah alot of Benei. What o? I studies a called epidemocological effort. I don'tknow it's Epidema logy Epidemalov, that anyway, the study is basically whereyou are peop ever demonology somethon, like that, you ask people a lot ofquestions and you kind of come to conclusions based off that, likethere's, actually been a really a big one, in conjunction with nutrition andhealth, like the correlation between saturated fat and LDL, which isconsidered bad cholesterol and heart disease for a long time was considered.You know th the kind of the primary factor why people get heart attacks,but the people that eat more saturated facts and more process foods also drinkalso smoke also have bad genetic history. So it's just like you can thatyou know that's. I guess the problem, but in saying that, like the best wayto kind of figure out, statistics is the last a lot of people a lot ofquestions and try to get to met os O it's good in one sense, but it also isvery closed in the other MSO. Did we answer your question? An ECOF YEA WATAL WTWHY relationship biotion. It was Jus, open discussion as to whyyea it doesn't work wot I mean I started with my reason why it doesn't work ban you know,and then I wantto. So this is a good Seguento. What why I think, sometimes the theserelationships need to work right, because the reason sometimes theserelationships need to work is because the fact that the fact is one day we'regoing to get all well of us and you know with ther it is he thirty fiveyear old like right now, it's me right. I'm like Yeah Fuck, your boy e, nevergoingto get married right, like my fol capacity. Knowing that I can doanything that I'm you know obviously im a I'm blessed to do, do to do what I'mable to do right, but I have them mentality at the moment, and the way Ithink is all is trine. Driven off is what I'm capable of at the moment. Soyou know at the moment I can. I can have the days of like you know, do allthese things and come back and then be like yeah like I have a late night witsleep at dom. I wake up a seven year and you know: Do all these gind thingslat Ol in life. You know they'll come a time where it Wull just be. You know.You know my friend, friends wol'T, want to hang out with me all the timebecause you know they all or maybe at a hospital. You know all these thingswould happen right, Iou, friends in a hospital ther was they were geting,checkfor RNAWI. So you know I'm just to the point iseventually you get older and you know you. You know how you know how we noticedour friends fol lot back when we young we had so many friends and as we growolder, we have like smaller groups of friends, or is that just me and peopledon't like Buyou Gyo, get you guys get what I mean like your friend CircleReduces to like some exclusive people and then w at what it makes me wonder,is like liter on your life, and you know when you're like forty am I like?Oh Lik, no forny when I'm like fifty, and then you know what Ave i going todo like just hang up be like well, you...

...know it's just me in my apartment or,like you know, I'm not GOINGI gonna go to a bad to pick up a pick up. A youknow another forty Yor Shel, I be like youknow. You know to give me company for the night or the lext. The old fact atthe old Millfan theight, but Tha da, is that ther is that possibility of thatLat Ron, these a lot of these people who think right now they don't want toget into relationship, which you mean being one o thin right, don't want agettto relationship. Theymight actually run into that problem. whend. They actually start fearing colishit, I'm going to be alone, yeah sure, but now what there's alsotender and like fifty year olds can still get on Tinde fbut. You know: HowLong Are you gonna? Do that? That's my question o know yeah thesyou would wantto. I just wonder if you want to riht. I assume that you woul want just tohave a conversation, a cup of de with someone that you be. You know sort ofwell, just because you're not in a relationship doesn't end. You can'thave close relationships, good get what Yo means like Yev. I think what you're talking aboutfriends Youdo you want intimacy is along yeah.Okay in I know what you're saying it, but I mean just be I mean you, don'tnecessarily have to be in a relationship to have that. If that'swhat you are ask if you're after having a cup of Ta, what it was a five talkingshit, then you know that's no an I'm talking. I am talking about intimacylike being being able to experiene ICTI. So you know, if Youre I mean is, am I do you think that'swrong? Do you think? Do you not see? Do you not see that asthe benefit of Manogomy, what Bhing the benefit that you knowthat you have someone there to be intimate with, and you know at likesixty or sixty seven or seventeen lucky, I'm gonna. Let you take this onefors reask the question for me: Sorryba, doyou, do you see monogamy being beneficial in the cense wher,especially when you're older, and you know you have someone there with you?Do you know, but are you saying that out of that idea of fear, is it hat?Because I mean that, why would you why would you want to bein a relationship just so that you've got someone when you're sixty? Is thatnot exactly what we were talking about with the far thing and Jus some TaingObsai? Is it? Do you guys think that it's worth worth it being in the partof the Monoga monominis group of people right because, as a Si to you guys,like you know, I'm not bing on relationships right and listen, I'm notat the moment right, but do you think Shule I be because youknow Litera on my life I'll be like o fuck, I fucked up sifteen brother Yeah Yeah. That's pot may potentially be abridge that you'll have to cross eventually and that's definitely abenefit in something that I look forward to as I get oldor his retiringand getting older and kind of having you know further life experiences asyou get order. You definitely that definitely can't be a primary Momedi,though, because there's a lot of years that you waste in the meantime. Notbeing you know, ultimately, if you're not happy than to stot worth anything,but I mean that's that's why you know that happend with my grandparents ar solike people can live together for six years for a long time and then one diesand then, within a few weeks the other one goes to so that, like that sort of bond thatintimacy, that you build over a long period of time, long period of time is what you knowcontribute to Tham and what is the key contributor to a successfulrelationship, but at the same time like as much as I am a fond believer pronelike fucking wrong words as Lik as much as I am a firm believer in you know,relationships being a vital part of humanity, bad relationships inrelationships where people waren't happy or satisfied ter, almost just asbad in a hondred and eighty. So it's definitely case by case such a TenariCaitso think Ta sa o it'Sben, the SORGE GES s very. Like specific questions about you,guys aobiously. These are discussions yeah and O. I don't never know yet, butnow, if youare happy, if you really are happy with that other person than byall mens stay together as long as you can, but if you input that person outof habit- and it's just like- I don't know what else to do, then that's thenthat's not healthy e and that breats that breeds resentment, yeah and angerand issues. You know lots and lots of issues lateron in life. For sure. Would you do and Owthes Thn is one thing that I just want to Gi, mucky enough that nothing breaksmy heart, sorry to Caoff, nothing breaks my heart more than seeing likeelder people like be bitter and angry at each other ray like no, nothingbreaks, my heart more than that mm yeahaery, your forgo to put the fuckingbinch out again, fuck...

...sound, like Myei mean that just might Ijust magt be heart appearing, but you know it like I've seen it I've seen itand yeah. That's that's hard! That's hard! Yeah caus a O is wasted before wego to the last topic, which you'll be hopefully with the more fun onliterally no, I just want to quickly do find the turnof lights off Er en the MItop. What in regards to that relationships thattake work, take do work, but I think one of the key items that are alwayspart of it is the fact that you know it's a constant effort of you knowbeing conscious effort of like you know, realizing that this is you know, youyouv mean your Blassso. You should be grateful for the other person who'swith you, nonolse, not grateful in a sense. We Li can't. Thank you so muchyere with me, but you know appreciating that person and I think that'ssomething that almost needs to be a habit of like you know it can't besomething like you know. You buy, you know as if you're for a guy and if youra relationship wit like oh you ter, eeh, Orl, don't ee doesn't even have to beflowers, but you know. How often do you speak to them? And you know? How oftendo you like communication is Kay it's absolute king and you know how Oten Ithink these things are the most important thing. When youare you needto have a constant, you need to make conscious, affeit or make sure yourrelationship is working. It's like I use e example of the Gim. It is likeGong to the gym. It's not. You know your relationshipis not going to workon the first day that you guys show up it's going to work. I you know one dayI'll be working because you know you put every single day in you know. Justlike I you go to the gym, you don't get. You know you don't go to the gym andfirst day and Youre like fuck Ye IV, Cosh, I'm sure thits fucking I've goAPPs and I've Gos sixty twenty five sevens. Ior Guy, you know whateverright. You know it doesn't happen like that, its youknow you just keep doing it. Sometimes you may not even see the results, butyou have to have Thai constant effort to be able to. You know to have that conscious, aple to Avent, weperfect analody beautiful relationship, gre and I think, and all the you knowconsciously making effort of never trying to judge, and you know and fortontbly, making an effort tocompromise O ma, anythingwotanything wor havinghappens over time right, so Eso there's a reason why you know you just like abig diamond Huh y Wyou can figt you can fix that and, like you know, sometimessometimes you Akay. This is going back to the old riginal so topic. Sometimesyou may may have a fucked up influence around you. You know you might havepeople around you who are constantly telling you You'e, like you know. Well,you know this is what you are and like Iu. Sometimes you made to cut the cutthose people out and like that, that's with everything anyone Dok Ike. Anyonewho pulls you down just pull him up and I think sometimes you could have those peoplearound he relationship as well. You know that one annoying friend WHOs Alo,I mea, I brown likein a shoot. You know. I think this happens with no. Actuallythat's a lot. I was going to so this happene with guys more Bu. No, itactually happens with girls and Woll just ees. What I happen bothside whenyou know you thers Wat, always that one randered person who always jis talkingshit about Lik, Lik yeah. You know your boyfriend did that like or you know youw, say you bro She so annoying. You know things like that. So you know youneed to cut the INFOR SOM as well an I those things they aroan. That'spart of what you spoke about earlier, like as you get older you do. You knowyou do develop kind of less and less friends and that's not because I thinkit's because you come less sociable, like you become more experienced thanyou realize things that are advantageous and disadvantageous inyour life and if you've got a friend that on Sumedays is really good andhelpful in fining and on other days they are real negative influence likethat. That's a big one negatively is the biggest that's the biggest one forme that I don't have a lot of time for and then you're able to just cut thatperson off and anyone that's negative. Isn't generally it's based around or tit comes from a deep unhappiness and, and probably jealousy too like you know,if that if they've had bad experiences, if they are in a bad telis, SUPR Wartevelse, like they're, probably going to be pretty negative about yours, becauseone of my favorite quotes, misery, loves company and, I think also with the negativepeople, if you acknowledge it to yourself that that person is negativeand they're coming across. That way to you constantly, I think, there's alsosome kind of natural disconnection that happens as well. So you know, if you'reaware of that negativity coming through from that person, you kind ofdisconnect from them in in a way that you're no longer being affected by them,and I think they might kind of subconsciously get that hintbecause they know they're not affecting you in the way that they might want toin that negative way, and they might...

...just sort of drift away. I've seen that happen before as well.They just kind of they realize that they can't get to youtha the way they used to get to you and then they just kind of drift away in esubconscious sort of way for sure for sure, and I think eventually, no matterhow hard you try judgment will come back into it. So if you are with aperson who's like Sim mich, as you will erentually start to go, Oh fuck, you'relike in Securasiot, you know so those kind of negative lyd sort oflike comes back as well m. So what's this last topic, sex you're gonna have to break that Da. So this is, you know for othe the youknow we held this topic to the Lo last, because that's how you keep engagementso youknow, the Mu, the ones wo full sleep, so you got to hold them ontothem. You know, so I want to talk about like Boul, I wea talk about sex because I've I've exlearned right. I've learned thatsex is one of those things that there's no one. Like you know. How did you live about sex like? Howdid you learn about sex as a pleasure right by you, pet from your parentslike? No, do you not to get pregnant? THAT'S FORSURE! If you're learning about pleasure and sex from your teacher, then Li r,some other issues. What I'm saying is right, this a lot the reason of sayingthat there's a lot information. A lot of this information missing like so alot of these people end up fighding information for themselves or resultingto the only information source on this topic. The coold Ol born hup right. So that's why I want to report talkabout this a little bit and you know thees. so much like things t theinformation, that's missing the people never gether right, and you know inthis this side of things. I can easily talk with guys because you know, I knowhow my ou stupid guys are a times. You know it's like, and you know we all allsort of part of it as well. Ike N, I just want to say it's not there forthey just uneducated right. Sometimes right yea, you just you, know,understanding the whole experience, and you know one of the things that Iactually dont talked about this rights. One of these e stalf talked about likethe fact that cone has on People's People's sexual experience. Was Youknow where sex him sex was actually a managative experience in a sensewhere that was the one time you Woln't your only. It intimately involved withthis one person versus actually having something else on your mind, so it is'tlike Manicatie in a sense where it's one of the strongest emotions where forin very few times in Lihe, when you have nothing else crossing your mindright, you normally you'd be thinking right. Well, some people have it somepeople, don't some people can't switch off gus, which a run here malso done inthat was, like you know, having sesiwas peopl. It is easier to have that right,but now that you do know that the ID ID this research poaching Pon and theysaid a lot of the lot of the times, guysguys didn't- have their head in the game. You NOTC, like Li Ilike, inm, sorry, Getiv, sorry, what do youmean by cat switch off so what I said about can witch of YeahYeah? Well, I because minut, an eqal saying that that sex is kind of meditative in asense, and so he was saying you know it's one of those one experiences whereyou kind of can switch your brain off and you're just sort of being withanother person. But I was saying that, well I mean yeah,I guess for most people, but some people can't switch off that and theycan't go into that meditative state and they probably anstea thinking aboutstuff yeah, Yep Ly. Nomen Arte O continue my nooyou Ar Bon right and that's what Ias Dong, but do you think about pawn when you're fucking someone do youthink that, like have you ever spoken, Doi asked Ha guy about that, but youthinking about Porno, that's what I war Wee Thinkin Bou on right, but believeit or not as it s like most guys would have like somethingthat would coss their mind. It will be something like you know: Ey You, like.I remember when I was watching that pone that corrassions, like MakeinCanneda, not like that thinking about that right, yeah and you lovt. You canagree with, like I'm a victim m like Om the IM, your a victim iyou're, a victimof oned Hundredi, feel so sorry for you,Oh my God, such awe Mona Idicate, we wint Av to Edcat,...

...nabsolutely, Syes, thhings hat. You know which is which isreally interesting, because you know you have an opportunity to connect withsomeone at at a really higher level at one of the you know, and if we gophilosophic wit speaking, you know when they talk about this state of being asyou like, what people call viving an e you're vibrating at a cycle like knowyour brains, everything's mibrating, and all that tolk hat o ing, Fom Toktopics- and you know- that's been one of the very few times that you'rebriging and isfunctioning at a very high fequency, because you're notclutching your mind with uselhe Shit. But now you know most of the timepeople are plarter their mind en ponti actually happen. So we which is reallyinteresting. So I wonder if you know yeah reducing that Bon increaseconnection, because you know, then, if you can increase that connection withother person as well. You Experience Ten Times better pleasure as a physical pleasure, led alone ofpsychological pleasure, of actual the act of sex versus. You know, peoplejust you know doing it because you know well, they are doing that. Ou know andyeah yeah knot, another one up, that's a part of the day becomes to Haveit andI think that's the dangerous. You know there's plenty of dangerous things thatPaulan has and that's the most dangerous that I've experienced is thethe habit aspect of it and, like you can't you become like any drug youcome,a victim of it, and particularly- and I'm sure this happens with girls too,but I without looking at any research whats, whether I just from talking topeople guys potentially suffer from this setof much unperage where you like, you watch Boun every single day, like once,you figure it out. I think I was like twelve years old and it was just likefrom that moment, like basically theres, essentially nearly ten years of yourlife for me anyway, wher you spent watching that thing everyday, and thatsounds crazy, but it kind of is what it is and there's so many guys that canagree with that. So Y, just just naturally over time, likeyour your orgasm, your experience of that now, ultimately why people arehardwide to have sexes for the orgasm when that's so consistently linked with, like fisral visual stimulation, yess,exactly right, like that connection, is lost with another person, because youcan just get it on an Easyo time. You can get whatever you want at any time.You can get different things at any time and the you know the active sex iseven though the allgasm last for, however long it doesn't poth theconnection be built with people in the active sex. That's you know thebeautiful thing about it and not necessarily ending. Even though that'severyone's favorite part, that's you know it's the connection that you buildand then what what parn in I like this is something. U I still struggle withand I've, particularly over the last couple of years. I've really focused oneliminating this out of my life, and everything else is that, like it justdoesn't serve, it serves a very small purpose and it's just one of thosethings that, like at the same time like kind of everyone, does it in a senselike so I don't think we have to be shameful of it because, like we allkind of have it in common, but there is like a negative connotation to it and Ibelieve that is because deck down we all kind of know. It's not really. It'swe're not really designed to like it's kind of something that was brought onlater. You know later in human existence that we kind of deal with now.I think certain amount of experimenting with yourself and like that is, I think,that's okay, but I think it's accessive what we talking about when our brains,brain newons, start lookng, you ownt to that experience of the screen. Pixelsand thefus ofiuo Thats Yen Buyou, know thees o a thirty y thirty girls at once, EO Takin guys on this is because it's easier for guys to be loading. Thegame and still looks still be like in a still experience, and you know no es Im, Ol sort of like you know,still reach or climaxs right. Thethe problem is, is you know it ISImean? I could I like in this. I think I, both men and women, do the they havethe same amount of like Pon addiction, right Byn. It's not that. But it's alsobecause when you are having sex Tayis a certain amount about you know it's ait's ver, one of those very few moments and you're, like you know, you guys arelike it Bein, something so intimate and something so coming from like an equal ground oflike where you guys is just you know in this togethe's, just you and you andthat person right, wh Ch, which is really interesting, but you know forfor this ree. This is I' GOINGTO. This I'm going to step onto tinice and thencorrectly when I'm wrong, you know likeyea, you know one of the thingslike eform most of time experiencing you know, a climax Orogism is veryphysical right, fo, w women, it's not as much for women. It's a little harderto actually, you know o be to reach that not every moment, I'm just talkingabout overall right because t en the there's a fact like I was actually Iread a book about this and- and I was...

...like the amount of facts that I read inan I was shocped and you know thoes t lone things single sixty percent ofwomen, women wer. They have sex or sixty percent of thei time. They don'texperience. You know climax or argus right, and that was like a lot ofthings and they said what was the reason that you could pes as Thair,actually feeling better connection with one of their partners as well was, likeyou know, think, is Ehor like you know not mose, so Tam moning, like thingslike having sex when they're, tired and like all these sypeof things right. Youknow like one partmen not being in it like the's, different things and and like you know, which is reallyinteresting. So I think, as as a man like, if you actuallyreducing that connection, because you sil enmolved imporn, so that's like you,know, you're kind of fucking up so for not because you you just you know asguys, you expeis very physical level at a physical level. You know where soyouare with your partner. You got a fucking up there, so which I thinkquite interesting to think about now. There's another. Another thing is a lotof time when people are having sex lis. Most of like you know, ten PM, aftework and everyone started or drunk after a Clabra, and I think, if you awin up in a relationship, you shoul almost dig dig the like. You O schedule thatshitting like yeah. I agree. I agree you should really like, as if you'rearelationship, I schedule a shoon, I mean I schedule in my gim session or ascheduling, my triine, to the work like on you schedule, Atit Yep and I meanlike you know. Obviously the mood comes into it as well, but I think if youdedicate time to it, then it kind of becomes more of a special thing.Absolutely. But you know what it is challs like a look on and you I don'tknow you gonna hear this with Ot. Have you ever like gone to bed and you wen'tReadto, go tit that, like is oudidn warm Aug, to go into the ped like goingto sleep yeah, Lo going to be sleep yeh like have you ever just gone straightto Betne, Het e tat and like realize that you just didn't feel right becauseyou didn't, like wine, Don yeah o pretty much every night yea, and I never knew this because erallthese years, I've be like just like trying to scleep and never asa like theone day, and I just sort of hung out an you know, had a t and just sort of likeFi, my bad and I was just like Chil Ni for bit and then that day I felt sickso quickly, because I solt camt myself down and then I was like Oh thatwaskind of cool. I had a shot over an like Wen togh. This whole thing, so I thinkwhen you schedule that in like in a sense- and you know you almost when youscare Tul that in- and you know you schedule that in and you know you wileyour get into that and you'r thinking about it because obviousy you will beright, you know heless se, you finish work, you know you now. Today'sschedule then, like you'll, be thinking about the whole time. Think about thehow much more, how much heightened the experience with LE, because the factthat you had like let's say if you finishe work at five and you got ascheduled in a a pot you'll just be driving home. You like a year, boys,Yor or Gors. You know, Ou get what I been like e thes Yeah Itkr tooks like it sounds likeyou're talking about relaxation IAS o e sex yeah, but I mean you knowlike the relaxation in Isat examlbut Su. It's the same thing. It's I mean, likeyou know. No one wants to have sex with someone. That's fucking, wired and,like stressed so, is talking Abou Thatsai, likethe bu yougoto bed is Hu, go sleep. If you know, if you know, if you don't work up tosleeping just like that, if you work up toheaven sex when I said Wy work up Oy when you get excited about it becauseyou're driving home- and you know that which is scheduled in your ing dothe highway now you're likeyes, that's a very sinle perspective that but but yeah. I completely agree with the chedulingthing. I mean working full time and then also havinga second job on top of that, and then you know trying to fit in social thingsand a relationship. It really makes sense to be scheduling. Six, and I know that sounds it soundskind of like it sounds pretty dry, excuse the pun, but Li e I mean, like Ithink it's so true. It's so tru. I think- and I like I said before, if you,if you kind of work up to it and you you know, tell your partner, hey, youknow like tonight: Let's you know: let's go, let get a Bot o one o order,some rats, and then you know, let's pend some time together. Yeah. I thinkthat is so. Yeah grow each other's undays onwhatever you like, uts the reason it sounds dry because we weseein the bovies is because you know you have ancelly in the Jolan bread emeeting at the freaking. You know I you know in Ba noboy as a shit,Intahiti or Hawaii, and you know these beautiful clotes and looking really hotand you know Bek, it's got killer abs...

...and you know then they look at eachother and then they look at each other again and then next thing you knowtheyre tolping into topeent Ain sex right because that's Somefontini Thi orthat's what sex has what sex people assume misis. It is and Myou Kno as aCO as a couple shor like if you guys see each other Tbat, that's a verylastful. Like Li. That's for people, THAT'S NHAT! That's why, when I saidschedule Thatinit seems dry its because people are assuming. That is that's howit needs to be yeah. Like that's what a passionate! That's, what seconexperiences? That's! What people are thinking in they head. I mean, Ihonestly think, go home schedule that Skedu you know going to the Goocalendar and do a recurring on a Wednesday night and make sure you wi your fuckingbuttner and on end Nivi Bo and has tak me to and and if it yeah N, if it works two timesout of ten that I think it's working like it's not going to happen everytime, because it isn't one of those things you can just kind of Lockin anddo but like if the intent is there, then that's that's kind of a good habitto be in and helps build. Yeah. That's that's a good idea. It's a goodideficial yeah and I mean, like you said, even if that, if sex is notpossible for one night or whatever just do something else, that's lovelyyeah doesn't have to btex. You know it could be just something that could be amessage because it's still into an internate and it still has the sameability to connect the tell of ye for sure, for I think Dutchis, one of thestrongest senses that Human Heaveen I touches, increbling sprits. In facthumans crave be being touched, which is really interesting. Actually Mor isYouve, always wondered why? But you know that'se incredible, so I thinkthat's probably something that you could Dowell Yeah Schetule thatbetching now theya Gh, just like how we SA communicate right its important. Ithink this is this is another time. The communication is super important. Okay,because I think you have to learn what your partner wants and what t workswith your partner and what what you Thinkin, you know, but this might be a guything as well onceII is a guy thing because guys are normally just okay it. So this is whaguy sing fit a they get to start of, like you know, have like what works foryour Bartner, because once of the time they think they're, just like yeah fuck,you know I'm a sick Cun. You know I just I just made my girlfriend live.You knw experience thoget some of my life, but most of the time I ightso, Ithink, if you're a guy, I think, having that conversation about like what works,Peoe Patner and what they want and if you'r good either even right you, itdoesn't really matter who you are having that communication is alsoreally important, and also can I say, a girl is never going to be pissed off orannoyed that their partners asking them or anyone, I'm assuming that no one boy,woman girl, whatever you are, will not be annoyed for their partner askingwhat they like sexually yeah. Definitely so you know don't be afraidto have moeesation unless it's their best migt. That is Lik Gi, factr a you know, annowthe, like you, know,more more physical ships. If you ever, you know, I you guys want to it, makesure you guys consum a lot of Mikto Nitro, oxside, precersons, cursels, curSills, and that you know that's a natural blood boosters. So you knowyour bloack flow is increased and you're able to experience a lot morehigher sensition. Okay, I'm going to be honest. What the Hell did you just saywhat is wron my matro oxide precosons? What is that so? It's like it comeswith food, so it's seen things like things like Beetrot, it's especially B. That fatured is theleast sexy thing to have for dinner. BUFOR fucking Eyou can et pe s. You can get they nolike Thoy know like they're, really good for your heart, a hink theyactually hot dils like do. I have healthy heart, but but they do is theaxtal step e crases blood flow, more xcenen, the body that sort of thing andcan be little things that you can use yeah. So You'R is one of the only things in the worldthat make you sharper in a sense where, like you, have a better blood floow, sothey inc, so they dilate your like blood, vesos and but in a reallygood way, e Natural Bun, Toi ancer, so they're good. You know you got things Ions a Bord Vellon. Has It as well. So what velit has that o Oxide BrevanResoso there? You go guys, look yourself up and the next year you talkto your partners, and you know I think you'd be on your way to have aincredible sex life. The problem is Yin...

Ho, so many people. Yet this it be guything, but you know guys walk around Toncanen at the end of the day, Tdon'tbe a threaterfront o fom up the ASS. Like you know, it's never hurt. No one. Maybe cmdication is OIF. If you're going to,if you're going to check a little chicky thumb up, please have some lobnearby and use it an cos that is at it's a Itol, always in porly, contrary to prope yeah, that's right,contrary to popular belief, teas ARD, not a good lumplication to that Reciwere reached, yeah we're reaching an our and a half and start to get crazy. Tit's been a fucking. This has been myprobably my favorite podcast. So far really appreciate your coming oneshower, it's been FLIV and als. Now, thank no, I think so ma. This has beengreat I'd like with the guys again it's fun. I like this talk about Tha Ouyeaho, Wa,likei'm, running ut, but anyway, thisisa good top. Also last ink a ifyou have sock sex after working out is actually ten does better than actuallyhaving sex without work. Even if you go for a like dein walk before Petemtics,so thos Wathisis, a really good Oda Yeah and then Havean Otrusece bad, yet frotallegood times, kitties omuchthank. You guys thanks so much for having me lovedit yeah our pleasure. It's been really good. OPEEN invitation again love. You dode, Give Him Moma kiss for me: HAV A goodGim. His hes been te on this podcast evisode number. Nine.

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