The Clever Dummies Podcast
The Clever Dummies Podcast

Episode 9 路 2 years ago

The CDP // Ep9: Love, Relationship and SEX!

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Welcome to number nine at the style this podcast. Thank you so much for joining in. I'm lucky joined as always. Buy Anie. How he going today? My brother, I'm great. I'm great, you know, loving life. Everything's brilliant. Very excited for today's episode. How are you? Yeah, doing really well. My super excited. I feel like it's been a couple of weeks, but a long time between drinks. So let's let's not fuck ourselves around and introduced. I believe we've got a very special guest on today. Well, that's right, that's why. So we've got Charlotte Watson. I. We only use full names here on the show. Rights in here on the show. You know, she's a great friend. We been friends for roughly two years and we're colleagues as well. And you know, today's topic is quite relevant. So and her and I always have these conversations and so I thought it was appropriate to bring her on to this episode. Well, thank you, thanks, thanks for having me on. It's good too, good to have you here. Look, when have you been? How's everything being? Yeah, going really well, my brother, big I just dropped it before the show we recorded, but made my Charlotte, my my fiance Charlotte, same name, same postcode, same financial provider, different financial income. If we have put our certificate of marriage signed today by the justice of piece, or one step closer to being legally married, I guess the bottle step Nara. So you just has to say yes. But apart from that, you know, everything else is on track. Might you need to start a back up? I'm in a way three now. Trainings going good. Actually about to teach my first class at our fools kickboxing next week, so I can super excited for that. Much so, I think. So, looking up and up. And how are you, brother? Great, brilliant. That's all good to hear. I'm just a quick question on that, just showing know that you guys are getting married to yeah, well, she doesn't yet. She just has to sign the paper either now. I mean it was four years prior to the proposal where she was asking me to do it. So yeah, I believes she's a willing populent. She's well informed. Don't say yeah. Well, on that note, should we get straight into today's topic? Yeah, let's get under the bed sheets and get amongst it. Much So. Just before we get in the topic, I just want to say shout out to pandemic that's happening at the moment from yeah, people running away. said that. Jim. Today there was about we were actually at the gym today. They were about full of three people at the gym. Yeah, and old covid nineteen, yeah, which wasn't bad. I reckon going to the gym and there's only three people there. It's quite good. It's good. You can answer on Jempern do backflips and you know, what else would you want? Yeah, that's exactly right. And a blow wearing a mask and the sunglasses of walking or crowded build is probably not a good idea revery. So it's probably good deal there boys. Further to this topic, which I'm very excited to talk about, also something that I've been meaning to talk about for a while, which is relationship intimacy, sex and everything that sort of surrounds that sort of realm. And this is that's that's why we had Charlotte on the show as well, because her and I have very productive conversation around this topic. Yeah, not because necessarily I'm a professional in these tumping. You know, we're not professions any of these topic. We just like having these conversations and yeah, that's why we just do it. Yeah, that's right. And you know, look at I thought you might be appropriate as well, because you're working way into a real relationship. Yeah, well, that's right, five and a half and that's right. Oh boy, that's good. Well, you know, and then there's me. So we've thought we got three, three people looking at the same things, and that should be good, man, but we're all at different stages in relationships as well, because lucky you said you're five years in. Is that right? And just yeah, yeah, yeah, so I'm in a relationship as well and we've been together for a year on Monday. HMM, and I congratulated got to make I think, the Ny just listening to my voice and people just hearing me on podcast people. We will tell what my relation the statuses. Yes, that's love. Really, there's nothing wrong with beating a dead horse. As I say, might sell. Will kick on with it. You know, it's look, it's one of those topics that people don't talk about much, very often, and so many of so many of these things are taboo as well. And you know, I was or the over the week we were talking about this as to what we were going to actually do and what we're going to talk about. So you know, there were a few notes that I made as well.

So you know. So one of the few, think, one of the things that I want to look at was why why relationship feel right. So that's one of the things, and not just negative and why relationships work as well, as well as why monogamy doesn't work and why it is still kind of a good thing and it's not that good of a great thing. So one of those things as well, I'm all for. Obviously, you know the doose. Are just some ideas that I'm throwing out there and you know, once we get started, guys, and you know you guys, get all jumping and just sort of get the ball rolling. Sounds wonderful to me, my friend. Like the great captain you are, I'll trust your ability to lead the ship on a topic you know much about. I wouldn't check it's it's all good and well and, like you, you do have a beautiful perspective on most things and you continue surprise me every week. So I'm sure I'm going to be bolder other once again, my friend. Yeah, I'm going to be blown away. Let's see what it's good to say. Aally is good at that too. Well, should be. It's sorry, my that's what happened when two whites get together. I apologize that, especially in Australia. Right, that's right. Look, let's let's get started with one of the things I want to talk about. You know, there was another topic that we talked was, all, when should you step into a relationship or for a friend that you think is probably yeah, yeah, so we were talking about this the other day at one of our gym sessions and basically the way that it came about was if your friends with someone and you've known them for a really long time and they're in a relationship that you can see from an outside perspective isn't necessarily good for them or working, when do you step in, or should you step in and say anything? So that was what was brought up and we were talking about that and I thought, yeah, I reckon. I would. I would want to step in because I know if I was in that position in the relationship and people were seeing things from the outside that I maybe wasn't seeing, I would want someone to step in and say hey, actually, just so you know, this is kind of what we're seeing from the outside and you know, it might be different on the inside, but I think I'd prefer someone to tell me what you guys reckon. Well, my only problem is I just find that whole topic difficult. Maybe this is a guy thing or maybe this is just a meeting. I find it difficult because often when you step in, and especially if you're friends with the guy from at least on my side of thing, it just ends up looking like a bro opinion, bropinion, Bro Opinion for opinion right or like. You know, often, you know there's a saying that it's take masculinity eye. Yeah, well, this is a saying that like, you know, that guy guys only like like when they you know, often friendships don't work after one of the boys get into a relationship is because, you know what the especially with the single friends. So the single friend just wants that person to be what he was before the relationship. And you know, and and he it's even if he doesn't really think he's doing it, he might be psychologically weirdly wanting his friend back. You know, it's like, well, you know, we used to hang out and do all these one things together, especially if that friend is single. You know there will be a part of report friend, you know, just mentally thinking, Hey, like, you know, come back, you know, the the devil being the devil. You know, what do you see? You're saying that it would come across badly to you. You would be afraid that it would come across badly to your friend and that it wouldn't be coming across as like a genuine concern. But thought they relationship and future. At least. At least that's what I feel like and I'm obviously, you know, open to suggestion as to what you guys think. MMM, and you know, and do you think that's or maybe I'm just being selfish and I think and that's what would happen. I don't think you're being selfish. I think you're I think you're just taking into consideration a lot of different things. Lucky. What do you reckon? Well, I believe it's like any situation, that it's always a case by case basis and I've always found honesty to be the best policy. And it sounds Pretty Cliche, so I guess it. Probably it's dependent largely upon your relationship you have with that person and you know how close you are with that person. Have you, guys discussed these sort of things before and obviously giving the relationship time to develop, like you're not going to just jump in after a couple of weeks and go fat. But you know you're a change man. Well, you want to be a change man. I think if you know, if you're your chat, you're evolving your self another person. But I think it's obviously your duty is a friend and there might be a chance that you could lose a friend or you could,...

...you know, you could experience it, maybe a bit of hardship with your friend if you're suggesting one thing and there their emotions, so telling him another. That's probably the hardest thing about giving people advice is the fact that you know that there's there's an emotional attachment from there and there's not an emotional attachment from our and but I'm always pretty, pretty firmly stand by the principle of being honest and if you see something, say selling and like if you know. We all know people. I've got to very close people to me in my life right now that have been, you know, I believe, been drastically affected by the outer influence of a woman, not that that's got anything to do with gender it's just they're my friends, they're my guy friends and obviously there were two girls and to be honest, I probably could have been in a position where I could have said something earlier. But at the same time, like I'm kind of guilty of believing one thing and not putting it into practice. Like there was an emotional, you know, emotional attach when I had to both these two people and you know, maybe I had have said something, I maybe wouldn't have ever spoken to these people again or maybe it would have change things. I think honestly is always the best policy and if you see something, say something and you know, if they can't see it, they don't want to see it. Well, it is what it is. But I think we've got to live our lives looking out for the people we love and if you know, almost by saying nothing, you can be doing the worst thing, and I agree. I mean it depends on your approach as well. You know, you got to be pretty tactful with that sort of stuff. I know some of my friends have gone to other friends and been like so, do you notice this in him? And they're like Oh, like maybe I've kind of picked up on a few things. So I've seen it be done very, pretty delicately and it's kind of been the the best way to do it between between friends. So yeah, but that was my experience with it. Yeah, it's that's interesting in as you because I've always been actually quite opposite. So there you go. I think between the two of you guys I have just learned some new perspective. I know if you can learn perspective, but I think I've gained a few new perspective. Yeah, for sure, I hear what you guys do. Think I think the only thing you would even though I hear what you guys are saying, I think I still do thing. If not play if you don't play your cards right, it could come across as you just being annoying. And well, I guess it depends on the situation of the relationship, right, because I think lucky what you were talking about, it's not. It kind of sounded a little bit more like serious, like it there might have been some kind of domestic issues, like kind of serious domestic issues, and I think maybe we any you're talking about is maybe a little less serious, maybe like people that aren't it's compatible in a relationship, is am I hearing that right? Yeah, so I guess it depends on the nature of that relationship as well and how you approach it, because obviously, if it's a domestic violence situation, I think one hundred percent you step in and you say something in you and you help those people know. Yeah, it's so obviously depends on the situation and you definitely step in in that sort of situation. But yeah, I guess if you know that, if your your mates are just in a relationship with someone and you think that they're not very compatible, I guess you know that's I think it's okay to broach that. I think it's all right because if they're your friend, do you want them to have a good life. You want them to be in a relationship with someone that they love and is going to support them and you know ultimately want the best for them as well. So I think that's part of being a friend is that you would talk up when you're to. I feel like that's the lines I guess I was approaching to. Thankfully, I'm have I don't know people. I don't know of people that are involved in a relationship that has physical abuse. So I guess maybe maybe you could make the argument of like an emotional emotionally abusive relationship in terms of control and not allowing them to see other people, that sort of thing. So, like that's almost not as bad, obviously, because there's no physical harm. But that's bad in a sense because you're losing a party yourself. But it's also it's probably also being aware of those things happening before they do or before it hits that stage. And just like anything, like it's never a big thing that happens at once. Is always like these little things and slowly start to see the people change and you start to see things they maybe would have been really aware of and wouldn't have let happen. Over time, just like anything, you become a custom, you become immune to it and and eventually starts to deteriorate. So you've obviously got to make that judgment of that. Like, if you just think that person is not going to be fun anymore and you're not going to see on weekends, well, that's probably a little bit superficial and probably for not the the right reasons. But yeah, if you generally love the person and you are concerned that they might be heading down a road, that's going to be hard to come back from their I'd say that's probably the circumstance. And then that's obviously much easier said that done, though, because you at the end of the day, you're an outside of looking in. HMM,...

...yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, well, that's so. I supposable that answer that question. and As of course, if you ever have a friend, ever have a friend who's going through a possible note of a great relationship, you know you definitely should step in with with with tax, with tactic, you know. Well, you know, just being just be, you know, diplomatic and sensitive to the situation and know that they might get defensive about it because it's their relationship and effectively that's a reflection of their choice in a person of right. And I think often what happens in relationship as well, even if, let's say, even if this is your friend you're approaching, what happens is people get a grow. Obviously they grown more emotional attachment, but they also grew a defense mechanism and a fear of being possibly being alone in the future to come. So often people will defend the relationship, even if it's not working, just just out of the fear of being alone on the Longlan on the long run. MMM, so that's a round. Yeah, I find that quite interesting. So you really truly would have to be really tactful and sort of coming from like a very objective point of view, so you know where you are actually saying. You know, hey, like, what do you think? Do you think this is a problem? Like what's happening with your like this? Think that's happening that? I just remember runned by you here. What you think? What do you think of this thing? Or you know, Oh hey, by the way, you know, I've noticed that your partner does x at this point or you know, or has said this to you a couple of times and you know how did how does that make you feel? Just kind of bringing it to their attention, because, like we said, they might not even know that this is happening, especially if it's an emotional sort of abuse, and I heard don't mean to get to, you know, deep and heavy with this stuff, but you know, people, if they've been manipulated in a relationship like that, they probably don't even know because they're just so controlled by that other person. And the ones that know, I took comfortable to ever just acknowledge it to is that as well. But yeah, yeah, that's right. If, sometimes, if that person, you know, unfortunately, right close right time, they were susceptible to a personality like that idea. But through hardship or that, overlook overdependence on being alone, because that's a scared that seems scarier than anything else, is being by yourself and not having some one there for you. And that's kind of the ultimate form of MNIPULATION, a person who makes you believe they're there for you, but they're also causing the harm to I guess the question I'd need to ask myself, and would suggest other people to ask himself, is like the ultimate conundrum. Like way it up, like is this getting to a point now of no return? And if it is approaching that point, then it's it's pull up ship and go for gold, like you've got to try to figure out a way it all properly, but you probably just got to do it. It's just term. It just happens too often. I think I've experience it too much already. HMM, yeat of a thing. I can be good people, come on, let's come on. Yeah, for be a good person. It makes mixing changes step in which are well, you know, that actually sort of brings brings us right to the next topic, and this is this is I I'm so interested in this one. Is often why relationships don't work. That's a big dog, that's that's so. That's well, does the surface will just the same thing. And you know, I'm going to start with the things that I'm going to say, few of the list, few of the reasons why I think relationships don't work, and then you guys tell me where you think and then you tell me why you you don't think they were and you also tell me that what I think is not correct. So one of the things I think that relationships don't work is the first, first one, first and foremost one, is the when people start our relationship. Sometimes the start of the relationship is not on a solid foundation. And I keep I talk about the fear of being alone a lot and I find a lot of a lot of people get into relationships out of the fear of being alone. The second one being is judgment, and that is a major one and many, many relationships. It doesn't just doesn't have to be a relationship, intimate relationship, to for for that relationship to fall for fall out. It could be you know, judgment across anyone, with your colleague, your friends, is judgment. Will fail any you know, will ruin any relationship. So you know there's judgment as well. And I think the last one is complacent complacency. Complacency in a sense where you know, when you start to seeing someone, at first you know, you make an effort. You know, you got out for dinner and you you know, you even on...

...you even with yourself, you go to the gym and you do all those stuff. But as a day's pass you get more used to that person and you know, you just think, you now you you think that that person is just you know, you just deserve that person. In a sense way, that person is just there like, you know, like you don't think about your bed because you just don't think your bed is like you know we talked about in the episode for gratitude. There's the things that are just implied. You just assumed that they're always there. It's just like that with your partner. You know, you became more complacent and you think, well, you know, it's not like the persons that we're going to go anyways or he or she's always going to be there. I think those three things are the biggest relationship killers. I'll add to that and I'll say I reckon jealousy is a big one as well. I think if there's a lack of trust in a relationship and ship, that can really break it down from the inside out. I think that's a big one too. Sad tearle yeah, but yeah, I agree with I agree with those ones definitely. Yeah, what do you think that they're in? They're all like key ingredients into like a really big Pie. You like it? Ultimately, the I thought. I believe the purpose of relationship is to merge like two lives into one. So I've got your back, you've got my back. What your problem is my problem. But it takes a long time to reach that stage and one thing that I found for myself that I had to really work on. I'm so lucky in so many different ways with Charlotte, the love of my life. There's so many great things that she's brought into my life, but the one thing that I had to learn, the one things that she was very good at very early, was compromise. So, being being a young dude, being someone who was set on trying to set out a path for myself and for that I knew all the answers and for this is where I wanted to go. I was very selfish in a sense, and I was selfish for what I thought was the right reasons, but they were the wrong reasons. So I wasn't willing to compromise the little things, even things that she would want to do that I didn't want to do, or vice versa, or or why don't you like this? Like how can you not like this? For it doesn't does it really matter? The fact is they do like it. So you've got to try to make room for that in their lives and make room for that in your life. And I think the mere fact of sharing the experience with the other person it's more important than what what the actual experience is. So being able to compromise in terms of everything, in terms of the relationship, if one person is overly talkative and likes to be open about themselves and the other person isn't at that stage yet. Compromise works in Business, works in relationships, works in friendships, works in planning anything. So yeah, compromise was definitely a big one for me and one that I feel like I see a lot of people unfortunately don't address very well. It's, you know, ultimately I believe it's as I said before, it's about merging two to one. Then you've got to have that mindset and just too many people in ports. He can't, can't get over that hurdle. I don't necessarily agree with the compromise part, or at least I don't like the word of comp the word compromise, and that's why you're single. Go ahead that, of course. Of course, I know you're going to say. I know when you choose a partner, right, I think you you never you can't be compromising in a sense where you say, well, I have to beer with that person's talkativeness. I think that's when I was talking about judgment in a sense, because then if you're compromising, if you're saying or people are put up with this, if you was thinking like that, like, I think I get what you were saying. Look, when I think it's just the wording of like compromise, it just makes me think personally, that compromises something you know has a negative condodition to it. Where you were saying that WHO, you know, I put up with this. We're saying, you know, I love you, love you for whoever you are, or saying that you know, you know, yeah, they might be things that we don't you know, we don't don't exactly match them. We don't have to, because we do different people, but it's the things that we can do together make us stronger, make us these you know, to get what the things that we do together and things that we, you know, agree on other things that make us incredible. And you know, in fact, those things that we don't agree on is also really good, because you don't really want to be in relationship with yourself either. I mean, that's probably just me, my thing. I think. Yeah, the Mary gets older for a while. Yeah, you get what I mean on that and what I what I mean. They're yeah, exactly, you do. Like. Yeah, this the that's why. That's why people fall out, like a lot of friends will fall out because they do so many things together all the summers alike, that eventually the thing that you're that's most makes you you like you actually oftentimes can't handle that in other people. It's a very interesting look into the the psychology of a lot of people. Yeah, I want to add to the compromise thing as well, because they think later we kind...

...of like we tund let me Lee m'scape with that, letting get away. Just adding to it, I think with with the compromising, if your partner is willing to compromise for you, that is a big sign of respect for me. That's how I would interpret that, because they're listening to what I'm saying, that understanding that this is something that I want or need and it might not exactly suit them in that particular situation, but they're willing to try and make it work so that I get what I need and they still get what they need and they're not missing out in any sort of sense. So I personally think that compromise is a big thing, even if it's on things that are seemingly insignificant. Yeah, in day life. Yeah, because they what we like. It is like a small math equation that adds up to a big problem like these. One person is that build it and and like you're right, like you're definitely not wrong by any mean. They're naked's, I guess, maybe a little bit. The word compromise gives, it provides a different emotion to you than what it does for me, and obviously you're not going to you know, that's where a lot of people, and that's where I think people can be easily let is they're just to compromise. Of like they're just like say yes to everything. So, like that's obviously an issue in itself. But the way I can articulate, in the way I can visualize compromise is like you've got to Jigsaw Puzzles. Like they kind of match, they don't kind of match. They fit really well in some areas, they don't fit in other ways, but you're able to mold and blend the areas to make the relationship work at the end of the day. And if you change your piece too much, than you're changing yourself. That's not a good thing. But if you don't change enough, if you don't grow enough, and then ultimately you're not going to sit with that other person for sure, for sure I'm gonna I have hundred percent agree. But I think my hope, my problem with that is this is what I'm saying. So I'm saying if you're choosing a partner right when the work is not compromise, when you make adjustments to get what that's what I'm trying to say. I say it's almost look, I was actually going to talk about this. I think it's actually people assume that relationships work. It's just like implight the relationships work. Right. No, but in relationships are just like going to the gym. You need to put in the work, you know, for for someone to truly fall in love with your someone to truly realize that this you know you are like, you guys are like you know, meant to be together for rest of your life and all that type of stuff. Right, that person is truly being there for you. That actually takes work. It's not like that. You take someone out for dinner one night or like no gook food for them or anything else. Right, you do something nice and see you give them a compliment. It's not that. It's the accumulation of those things and it is accumulation of those small compromises. The only thing what I want to say is the fact that is that maybe our generation that is starting to see those things as compromises or you know, I would assume that those things should be implies to start with, the fact that if you're going to get into a relationship, you should know that you will have to make small, a ajustments. Let's see, adjustments are more happy compromise. It just makes me sound like, you know, makes me feel like that I'm making a compromise with my boss when I really want to bunch him in the face, but I'm compromised because I don't want to lose my yeah, that's compromise. It compromises like a small piece of the puzzle to so like you're not always going to be problem solving and doing everything else, but it's just an important attribute to have to in order to have a successful relationship, I think for sure. HMM, yeah, a great look. No, I agree that you need to make adjustments. I just don't mean I don't like the connotation of the word compromise. But that's but you still you still the the meaning. Even if you're changing the word, it still has the same, oh, for sure meaning. If I was doing someone, I would, you know, if there's something that really pisses her off, I would be like, okay, cool, you know, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, that's more of a compromise. Yeah, whereas an adjustment is like a slight alteration. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I obviously I agree that I want to do that. Like I'll be like, okay, fine, I want to do that or like, you know, if I was like you know, if I'm like, you know, come home and like throw my shoes off, like in the which is that which I do right soon as I get home. I just throw one shoes there once you there, right, and then if she goes, will don't do that. And she said at few time I'll be like yeah, I guess maybe I'll put that we I won't throw them away. You know. Can you tell my partner to adjust his behavior by putting about that one? Can we tell you about that for a second, especially. Okay, look right, okay, this is where I'm coming from with that one. Because...

...if it's at my house, toilet seat stays down. Okay, sure, right, he can lift it up when he's using it, but it's down when he's not using it. If it's at his house, it can be up as much as he wants it to be up and I'm happy to put it down. Do you think that's fair? That's absolutely fair. You know, this is this war has been going on as long as it's just make the adjustment. Boy, come on, to be honest, I'm actually gonna. I'm actually gonna. I was always weak. This is how much does it take? In fact, to be honest, what I do? I always just shut the whole thing down because it actually smells it. Let's neutral. Let's if you put the lid down as well. That's done. Yeah, the whole must that's why. Yes, especially if you've newd to count out. Yeah, that's probably best, and I guess the conversation can be had is like, why you not doing it, like if it's habit, like habits are one of those things, like I find that too. That's it took me a long time to start doing that because I just wasn't in the habit of doing it, like I'd never done it my entire life, and then Charlotte kind of broke it down to me. It's just like hey, by the way, we live with a few other people. By the way, you've got terrible aim at one o'clock in the morning. You piss every week, and I'm like, no, worries, fair enough with that. I started sitting down a pissy with anyway. That's another story for another day. Actually, in courage him to do that. It's actually quite enjoyable. I'll put it to him and said, you know what you can do in our house who's got it? BANGUARD, I'll be put up. So they just got down that. So you have to hold an A. Yes, more than buster. It's the heavy year. True, all the buster up. Then you let it go to the BOSTONBALL. Bryant. Yes, that's the engineer coming out of your night. That was like, who were thought about that works this genius. Yet, by the way, how good of a days has anyone to use of a day in here before? No, I fuck it outs, beady. Yeah, yeah, it's the little nothing better the toilet to wash your ass. You've been to bank, you've been to Hong Kong. Bro They I think they've got an right over there. It is, it is, yeah, it is in senseition. Can I ask, because I'm the thing since slice bread. Can I ask, what's the aftermath of the day like if you've just gone to the toilet and dump poo and then you use it the day? Yeah, how do you what's the next step from there? No, there's nothing. You just yeah, wet. You have wet. You can get a Little Cup, you can do a little Cardi beat work to get it off. That's up to you. I would use a small amount of toilet paper just to clear out any and any bit of water, but ultimately you've got a potentially damp but cleaners. So that's that's ultimately the objective of going to the toilet. So yeah, now I just I think I'm a little bit of a freak to I just like the feeling of it. ASSHOLE too. So anyway, that's it. That's all time. Listen to this podcast. Yeah, she does on her way to work and she works at a drove an old attention center. So yeah, she gets, yeah, she gets the real preview of it before she has to go in and deal with it. So I'm just gonna say is she does she know this about you? She knows everything. Yeah, Damn, all right, gonna yeah, well, let's it a now she thinks I just talked myself for an hour. Well, that's it, which I do anyway. So it is well, going back to the topic, you know, I think, okay, okay, if that's where you got compromise shore, sure, for sure. I think you know, it's not not talking about that. There's another thing that I want to talk about, which is going into the next step, which is monogamy. Why monogamous? A relationship? Right? So look, when obviously you're going to get married and you know, obviously, if all gone well, we're this clusion up all others, you know. But look, you know the reason I want to talk about this one. Right, I was reading about this. I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear this at the moment. was, you know, it's reading about the success rate of relationship. Right, yeah, this thing. Bring it on, bring it on, I don't mind. It has significantly gone down from what I guess to be right. Yeah, it's an actively percent divorces, other well over fifty percent now, I think. Yeah, yes, I was really thinking about it and I was thinking. was like what's happening? What's different? And you know, the rate has been climbing since like roughly, I think it was rough only one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine or something like that. From there it's been like climbing and right, I was thinking about it and I was really thinking about I was thinking. One of the things that I also found was the fact that people were getting married later, right, like, you know, my parents got married at like, you know, when my mom was nineteen or not married, right when they were like together, and they think they got married at when my mom was not turning yet. That's right. Yeah, and you know my dad was a little bit older. So thirty...

...idea naught. Yeah, yeah, like, so my parents were young, right, so when they got married they have my mom was pretty young when she had me. So what I was thinking, I was like, is there a coversion between people getting married later and actually have, you know, those relationships not working well. But we thinking was that is it a possibility that people are building stronger personalities and by the time they're like, you know, they're getting married, they already built up this whole personality, right, and when you're in the honeymoon stage before you together, you know, used to each other, even the first two three years, you don't really see the full extent of the person something right. You know, you've never seen them deal with slow Internet, because you know you'll just saying that. That could be an example. Right, never seen your partner, do you was slow Internet, or you've never seen your partner with maybe like how your partner deal with all people, right, because you've never just happened to come across all people. or You didn't know that your partner had fear of like, you know, flying, because you guys have never liked in a door about flying somewhere, or you didn't know that your partner has like this. You know, it gets really angry when he sees the color red. I'm just saying. He seems right in dating a bull. Well, the saying right, just one right. Maybe. So these things, I feel like, could possibly be another thing, because you know, you so you need a fair bit of time and then all of a sudden, when you're together for am like, you know, three sports, end up you of view and you see each other every single day and then you see the real personalities. Turns out your partner, and God you know, is a from supporter and all of a sudden you're going to shoot him. You know. You know, those top those things that rea trump two thousand and twenty bright, don't fuck around. I think you've said so much in what you've just talked about just then, because I think, man, I mean I think people that get married later it means that they have more of a chance when they're younger to experience other people and date other people and have, you know, relationships with heaps of people before they choose to get married. I think so, I'm not. I'm I don't know about what the statistics are, but I think I'm not sure if people that get married later in their life or when they're a little bit older are the ones that are particularly getting divorces. I think it might be the people that are still getting married quite young are the ones that are that end up getting divorced. I don't know. I don't know what those statistics are, but I feel like if you do have a chance to date other people when you're younger and have all these life experiences and go overseas and, you know, have all these really cool relationships and then you end up finding someone when you're thirty five or something, I feel like you would know yourself enough and you would know what you like in a person, what you don't like in a person, and then you would be more likely to stay with the person that you've chosen at that point. Yeah, what do you think? Also, the plant? That's a good point. There's like in that that ties in really well because, on the one hand, yeah, exactly, you've had life experience, you are better educated on your you know what works for you what doesn't. You're better at reading signs and other people. So if you've had mult to a relationships and the same thing happens over and over again. You get really good at you get really good at reading those signs early. But then you could also lean back on kind of one of the the old theories that psychologies based on its behaviors, and behaviorism is basically the theory that, you know, we are beings, human beings of habit and things that we experience and things that we deal with throughout our life have a tendency to repeat themselves. So if you grow up in a household where your parents would have divorced, the likelihood that you're going to get divorced is higher. You know, same with domestic abuse, saying, with violence, that sort of thing. So there's a potential, on one hand, to get really good at knowing yourself and learning a lot about yourself and and also, you know, coming to the conclusion that hey, this person not might not be right for me, but there's also potential that you fall into that loop of like wow, this thing, I'm starting to get the same feelings I felt before and not really give it a real chance and then you kind of the relayship ends up falling over, and often times that doesn't happen overnight. It's kind of like you kind of jump out a little bit like so you go into like that ninety percent commitment mode, so you're like kind of in but you're not all in, and then as soon as a little bit of wind comes along, kind of blows the rest of it over. So that's really interesting and it's obviously case by case as well. Like for me, I know for one hundred and fifty percent certain to in you know, the not a very little experience outside of the one I have now, that I'm a much better person when I have a relationship because I've just more centered. I think more about other people, I'm less selfish and I was just, you know, fucking metter when I was eighteen. I was just so lucky to meet the right woman at the right time. So it's easy for me to be upbeaten positive about it. But, like, I'm pretty confident that even if our relationship didn't work out, it wouldn't...

...be it probably wouldn't be as long as it should be before I be in another one, because I feel like that's the best person I meant to be. And maybe there's people out there that are just meant to be by themselves. Like I don't really know. Like I feel like we all should have the potential to have kids and have a good relationship. At the end of the day, like, if it's just going to keep causing us harm, then maybe it's best that some of us are and in that place. And certainly people that are out there with ill will and ill intent don't deserve to experience that because they're just bad people. So it's certainly case by case, but yeah, I think I think it's just again as so many different factors that go into it, that it's it is a really interesting thing to talk about and think about that. Yeah, so some what I mean? One of the things that I want to quickly bounce back on was one of the things that Charlotte said before you started up, and was one you were saying that you have more you know, you choose that person at a later age. So I just thought I was thinking about just then and when local was talking in when locking was wrong my fear, I was like, do you think that when you get to like a later age, is fear part of picking up partner for either you know, you know exclusive of gender, right, or you know your preference, right? Is fear become a part of the part of it, because now that you started to fear, you know, fear, fear being alone, and which is really interesting because in one of our earlier episode you, I'm not sure if you heard it, we talked about fear. One of the end it was we explored the fears, which was the fundamental fears of humans. Right. So the fundamental fears of human one of them is actually the fear of being alone. Right, in a sense of fear of being alone. It is not. It's not the fear if you sort of rational in a sense to be you don't really feel like or use gonna, you know, be, you know, US going to be a lawn for like an hour. It's the fear of that. You fear that you're going to live a life where norm really gears about your appreciates you or, you know, all those feelings that come with people. It's couldn't with connection. So it's fear of not having a connection. So I wonder if that fear has anything to do with it. Lackman, I was because that's when you drop left fear as well, like if he has anything to do with picking partner. You know, I'll look sure. I mean, I can't speak for everyone in the world, but I think, yeah, definitely if he has a part of it. I think there's a huge social pressure as well which might make people feel more inclined to be in a relationship as well. I know, like from a woman's perspective, you know, if they want to have babies. There's a bit of a time frame on that sort of thing and generally there's this idea that people need to be in a relationship before they get pregnant and, you know, continue on with that. But look, fearwise, you talking about with an older couple, like at although, but like thirty five or something? Yeah, like I'm yeah, well, I mean it could go either way, right, like maybe they're afraid that they will not be able to find someone, or maybe they have just got past that point of worrying and they're just quite happy with themselves and they have chosen someone that they know compliment to them as a human. I don't know, I can't I can't speak for that. Yeah, I mean this is I just want to hear who you what you guys think of that, like you know, I just as I do, think that we make makes sense for feared for a few to be part of it. It makes sense for fear to be part of it. But I mean in a perfect world you'd like to think that no one has that and people are in relationships because they genuinely want to be with the other person, not out of fear. I see. I do think that a lot of people would go into you. Oh, no, I agree with you, and I'm such a I'm saying that should in the perfect in a perfect world, definitely, it would be great if, you know, if you could put that asidden assume that everyone wants to be in a relationship because they saw were a lot of people stay in relationships because they are fear of being alone or they go back to old relationships because they're afraid of being alone. So yeah, definitely definitely happens. Like it. Yeah, it's so common. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, there was a study done on actually people, and so this thing was actually from a book that I was recently read, and the study was done on people who went back to their ex partner for a reason and often went back to a piece of partners. And turns out when they are there were often they actually weren't sure and when they were pressed for and they said they just thought that they were gonna never meet another person again. So that was the that was the reason. So they just thought it was better. I think there's a lot in that, though. I think there's a lot of psycho analysis in that too, lot of the uncontract running into it. Yeah, and I think you know if, like we said before, if there's been emotional abuse involved, than you know, the their judgment is really clouded with that kind of stuff. And and if they've been manipulated for many, many years and controlled like that, then the abuser,...

...let's say, makes them feel like they have no other option and makes them feel like no one else would love them. So I know it's saying, but I feel like there's a whole at a surface level. Yeah, we could dig deeper in a psychological breakdown price see what the possibilities are. Yeah, but you know, then then we'd be a serious podcast. Yeah, well, then it's case by case and yeah, like that's the thing with that's the thing with talking in theory too, is like there's so many different ways that that's corrected incorrect in the same ways that it hits now the head. So many people that have been in that sort of experience and people that have never experienced it. So there's no wrong answer. It's just like what's right for this situation. But they're definitely key contributing factors. Yeah, but, yeah, I absolutely agree with both of you guys. Were you saying in that sense. You it's really interesting. But you know, I would like to look really I mean I haven't looking more into why it's not working and I sort of know what why it's not working. And the fact, like the facts are like the starting to seem like the cool reason. But then again, thing we like making those kind of connections between two different facts. To facts are like we used to talk about this fact where people, people who eat ice cream. I'm more likely to dry drunk, right, but to drown, yeah, to drunk right in ice cream, just go in the water like you know, sh right. And so that's the fact. They say they did a study this. It all people who were eating ice cream. From that guy, like from my spread chop, more people. It has been more people drunk, right, but what they didn't realize it was the the vigin take into account was the fact that it was summer. So people, more people assuming in the first police anyway. Right. So that's that was an example of when you think about two effects that people put to fit together, but sometimes you don't know the full story of they might be another factory that we can't see some Y. Yeah, so, yeah, it's a lot of that. A lot of the studies are called epidem ecological, EPI. I don't know, it's epidemology epidem along anyway. The study is basically where you are people everydemonology some like that. You ask people a lot of questions and you kind of come to conclusions based off that. Like there's actually been a really a big one in conjunction with nutrition and health, like the correlation between saturated fat and LDL, which is considered bad clestrol and heart disease for a long time, was considered, you know, the kind of the primary factor why people get heart attacks. But the people that eat more saturated fats and more processed foods, also drink, also smoke, also have bad genetic history. So it's just like you can that. You know, that's, I guess, the problem. But in saying that, like the best way to kind of figure out statistics is the last a lot of people a lot of questions to try to get some answers. So it's good in one sense, but it also is very close in the other. HMM. So did we answer your question? And Ache of yeah, not sure why relationship sail and it was just open discussion as to why, yeah, it doesn't work. But I mean I started with my reason why it doesn't work and then you know, and then I want to ask. So this is a good segue to what why? I think sometimes the these relationships need to work, right, because the reason sometimes these relationships need to work is because the fact that the fact is, one day we're going to get old, all of us, you know, whether it is the thirty five year old, like right now it's me, right, I'm like yeah, fuck, yeah, boy, they never going to get married. Right, like that's my full capacity, knowing that I can do anything that I'm you know, obviously in a I'm blessed to do do, to do what I'm able to do right, but I have the mentality at the moment and the way I think is all is drive driven off. Is what I'm capable of at the moment. So, you know, at the moment I can, I can have the days of like, you know, do all these things and come back and then they're like yeah, like I have a late night sleeper to him, I wake up a seven year and, you know, do all these kind of things. Later on in life, you know they'll come a time where it will just be you know, you know, my friend friends won't want to hang out with me all the time because, you know, they all or maybe at a hospital or you know, all these things would happen right hi, friends at a hospital. They were they were getting checked for a coronavirus. So you know, I'm just the point is, eventually you get older and you know, you you know how. You know how we notice our friends full out. Back when were young, we had so many friends, and as we grow older we have like smaller groups of friends. Or is that just me and people don't like me anymore, which you have to get. You guys get what I mean. Like your friends circle reduces to like some exclusive people. And then what what it makes me wonder is like later on your life and you know, when you're like forty, am I like or not forty? When I'm like fifty, and then you know, what am I going to do? Like just hang out? Be like well, you know, it's just me and my apartment, or like, you know, I'm going. I'M gonna go to...

...a bar to pick up a pick up a you know, another forty Yoshila be like, you know, you know, to give me company for the night or the lext the old fact, get, they are meal fact, the old move right. But but they is that they is that possibility of that? Late Ron, these a lot of these people who think right now they don't want to get into relationship, which mean being one of them. Right, don't want to get into relationship. They might actually run into that problem when they actually start fearing all the shit, I'm going to be alone. Yeah, sure, but now there's also tender and like, fifty year olds can still get on tender, for sure, but you know, how long are you gonna do that? That's my question. Yeah, they'll. You would want to. I just wonder if you would want to write. I assume that you would want just to have a conversation, a cup of day with someone that you beat, you know, sort of. Well, just because you're not in a relationship doesn't then you can't have close relationships. Oh good, get should mean it's like, yeah, you have a relations she's not. I think what you're talking about it friends. Well, not just you you do want. You want intimacy is a long yeah, okay, and I know what you're saying it, but I mean just because, I mean you don't necessarily have to be in a relationship to have that. If that's what you are after, if you're after having a cup of tea, what was and if I talking Shit, then you know that's not what I'm talking I am talking about intimacy, like being being able to expert Itacy. So you know if you're I mean is am I do you think that's wrong? Do you think? Do you not see? Do you not see that as the benefit of monogamy? What thing? That benefit? That you know that you have someone there to be intimate with. And you know, I'd like sixty or sixty seven or seventeen lucky. I'm gonna let you take this one for us. Ray, ask the question for me. Sorry, but do you do you see monogamy being beneficial in a sense, very especially when you're older and you know you have someone bear with you? Do you know? But I are you saying that out of the idea of fear? Is it because I mean that, why would you? Why would you want to be in a relationship just so that you've got someone when you're sixty? Is that not exactly what we were talking about with the fear thing and just as the something I'm saying is it. Do you guys think that it's worth worth it's being in the bottom of the MONOGAM monominous group of people, right, because there's a said. Do you guys like? You know, I'm not Bigan relationships right at least, is I'm not at the moment right. But do you think should I be? Because you know, liter on my life I'll be like a fuck, I fucked up. It's up to you, brother. Yeah, yeah, that's probably may potentially be a bridge that you'll have to cross eventually. That's definitely a benefit in something that I look forward to as I get older is retiring and getting older and kind of having, you know, further life experiences as you get older. You definitely that definitely can't be a primary move at it, though, because there's a lot of years that you waste in the meantime not being you know, ultimately, if you're not happy, then it's not worth anything. But I mean that. That's that's why, you know, but happy with my grandparents, as I like people can live together for sixty years, for a long time, and then one dies and then within a few weeks the other one goes to so that like that sort of bond, that intimacy that you build over a long period of time, long period of time, is what you know contributes to that and what is the key contributor to a successful relationship? But at the same time, like as much as I am a fond believer prone like fucking wrong words as lot, as much as I am a firm believer in, you know, relationships being a vital part of humanity. Bad relationships and relationships where people aren't happy or satisfied it almost just as bad in a one hundred and eighty. So it's definitely case by case. Such a generic it's a hmm thanks. Thanks, it's been the sword. You know, I guess it's very like specific questions about you guys. I'm obviously these are discussions. I'm yeah, no, I don't I'm not gonna. Yeah, but now, if you're happy, if you truly are happy with that other person, than by all means stay together as long as you can. But if you, I put that person out of habit and it's just like, I don't know, what else to do then that's then. That's not healthier yet and that breeds, that breathes resentment. Yeah, and anger and issues. You know, lots and lots of issues later on in life, for sure. Sure you know these. One thing that I just want to be mucking enough that nothing breaks my heart. Sorry to cut off. Nothing breaks my heart more than seeing like elder people like be bitter and angry at each other. I like not. Nothing breaks my heart more than that. HMM, yeah, Barry, you forgot to put the fucking bits out again. Fuck, that sounds like my next I mean that just might, just might,...

...be hard of hearing, but you know it like, I've seen it. I've seen it and it yeah, that's that's it's hard. That's hard. Yeah, that's it is wasted before we go to the last topic, which will be hopefully with the more fun one. Literally, no, I just want to quickly do sign eternal lights offer that done. The Lights of what? In regards to that, relationships that take work, take do work right. I think one of the key items that are always part of it is the fact that, you know, it's a constant effort of you know, being conscious, effort of, like you know, realizing that this is you know, your you're being your bless or you should be grateful for the other person who's with you. No, no, not grateful in a sense. We like how thank you so much you're with me, but you know, appreciating that person, and I think that's something that almost needs to be a habit of like you know, it can't be something like you know, you buy, you know, as if you're if you're a guy, and if your relationship with a go, you can play yeah, yeah, or don't even doesn't even happy flowers, but you know how often you speak to them and you know how often do you like communication is Kay, immunication, it's absolute Kay, and you know how open. I think these things are the most important thing. When you are you need to have a constant you need to make conscious effort or make sure your relationship is working. It's like, I used example of the gym. It's it is like going to the gym. It's not. You know your relationship is not going to work on the first day that you guys, sure up, it's gonna work. You know one day you'll be working because you know you put every single day in. You know, just like are you go to the gym, you don't get you know, you don't go to the gym and first day and you're like fuck yeah, I've got I'm sure there's fucking I've got APPs and I've got sixty, twenty by steps. If you're a guy, you know whatever, right, you know, it doesn't happen like that. It's you know, you just keep doing it. Sometimes you may not even see the results, but you have to have that constant effort to be able to, you know, to have that conscious effort to eventually, I think, analody beautiful relationship. HMM, a great and, I think, and all the consciously making effort of never trying to judge and, you know, and conscious of me making an effort to compromise. Guy Use amazing. Anything worth, anything worth having happens at the time. Right, for sure. So there's a reason why you know, you you just like a big diamond. Huh? Yeah, you can fix it. You can fix that and, like you know, sometimes, sometimes you I think this is going back to the old original sort of topic. Sometimes you may may have a fucked up influence around you. You know, you might have people around you who are constantly telling you you like you know all you know, this is what you are and, like you know, sometimes you may need to cut the cut those people out and like that. That's with everything, anyone toxic, anyone who pulls you down. Just pull them out. And I think sometimes you could have those people around a relationship as well. You know that one annoying friend whose or was I yeah, own, like you know, she you know, I think this happens with no, actually, that's a lie. I was because this happened with guys more, but not actually happens with girls as well. Just what I happen is both side. When you know you is what always that one random person who always just talking shit about like that. Yeah, you know, your boyfriend did that, like well, you know, he was a your goold Bro. She saw annoying, you know, things like that. So you know, you need to cut that influence on as well. I think those things that can and that's part of what you spoke about earlier. Like, as you get older, you do, you know, you do developed kind of less and less friends, and that's not because, I think it's because you come less sociable, like you become more experienced than you realize things that are advantageous and disadvantageous in your life. And if you've got a friend that on some days is really good and helpful and funding, than on other days they're a real negative influence like that, that's a big one. Negativity is the biggest that's the biggest one for me that I don't have a lot of time for. And then you're able to just cut that person off. And anyone that's negative isn't generally it's based around or it's it comes from a deep unhappiness and and probably jealousy to like. You know, if that if they've had bad experiences or if they are in a bad relationship or whatever else, like, they're probably going to be pretty negative about yours, because one of my favorite quotes misery loves company. HMM. And I think also with the negative people, if you acknowledge it to yourself that that person is negative and they're coming across that way to you constantly, I think there's also some kind of natural, sure disconnection that happens as well. So you know, if you're aware of that negativity coming through from that person, you kind of disconnect from them in a in a way that you're no longer being affected by them and I think they might kind of subconsciously get that hint because they know they're not affecting you in the way that they might want to,...

...in that negative way, and they might just sort of drift away. I've seeing that happened before as well. They just kind of they realize that they can't get to you that the way they used to get to you, and then they just kind of drift away in a subconscious sort of way, for sure. For sure, and I think eventually, no matter how hard you try, judgment will come back into it. So if you are with the person who's extremely jealous, you will eventually start to go, Oh fuck, you're like insecure shit, you know. So those kind of negative red sort of like comes back as well. MMM. So, what's this last topic? Sex? You gonna have to break that down. So this is, you know, for for the the you know, we held this topic to the last because that's how you keep engage with it. So you know the ones, the ones who fall asleep, so you got to hold them onto them, you know. So I want to talk about like, well, I don't talk about sex because I've I've explored right, I've learned that sex is one of those things that there's normal one like you know, how did you learn about sex? Like what? How did you learn about sex as a pleasure? Right by your part, from your parents? Like, no, your teacher. They don't you not to get pregnant, that's for sure. If you're learning about pleasure and sex from your teacher, then there's some other issues. What I'm saying is right, this a lot. The reason I'm saying that there's a lot of information, a lot of this information missing, right, so a lot of these people end up finding information for themselves or resulting to the only information source on this topic. They could old, born hub right, uh Huh. So that's why I wanted to talk about this a little bit. And you know, these so much like things. The information that's missing, the people never together, right, and you know, in this this side of things, I can easily target guys because you know, I know how my how stupid guys are at times. You know it's like, and you know we all sort of part of it as well, like you know, I just want to say it's not therefore, they just uneducated. Right, sometimes, right, you know, it just you know, understanding the whole experience and you know one of the things that I actually thought. We talked about this right. So one of the SCISSIS talked about, like the fact that porn has on people's People's sexual experience was, you know, where sex, have sex, was actually what I manage ative experience in a sense, where that was the one time you want to and you're only intimately in war with this one person, versus actually having something else on your mind. So it is like meditative in a sense, where it's one of the strongest emotions where for very few times in life when you have nothing else crossing your mind. Right, you, normally you'd be thinking right, well, some people have it, some people don't, some people can't switch off. Its guns which off, right, yeah, more sor done. That was like, you know, having sex. It was easier to have that, right, but now that you mean know that they did did this research watching porn and they said a lot of them, a lot of the times guys, guys didn't have their head in the game, believe you know, like literally, like literally, like I'm sorry, figured to be sorry. You mean by cant switch off. So what I said about can't switch off, yeah, well, because minute an equal saying that that sex is kind of meditative in a sense, and so he was saying, you know, it's one of those one experiences where you kind of can switch your brain off and you're just sort of being with another person. But I was saying that. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess for most people, but some people can't switch off that and they can't go into that mean to the state and they probably instead of thinking about the stuff. Yeah, yeah, normally a continue man know when think you are born, right, and that that's what I was doing. But do you think about pawn when you're fucking someone? Do you think about like, have you ever spoken to a I ask a guy about that, but he's thinking about porn. That's when I worry. Where they thinking about porn? Right? But, believe it or not, as it's like most guys would have like something that would cross their mind. It will be something like, you know, hey, you like I remember when I was watching that porn that colorations like make a connection of like that. Thinking about that, right. Yeah, and you know, look, when you get agree with like I'm a victim here, like of this. I am. I'm you're a victim, Iya, hey, you're a victim of one a hundreds. I feel so sorry for you. Oh my God, that's such a way might have been educate. We might have the gate and what I'm saying absolutely so. Yet yes,...

...make yeah, yes, that's one of the things that you know, which is which is really interesting, because you know, you have an opportunity to connect with someone at at a really higher level, at one of the you know, and if we go philosophically speaking, you know when they talk about the state of being, as in like what people call vibing in the your vibrating at a cycle, like know, your brains, everything's vibrating, and all that talk type of thing from talk topics, and you know that's the one of the very few times that your brain and is functioning at a very high frequency because you're not clutching your mind. And we use this shit, but no, you know, most of don't. People quite of their mindment portant and actually happen. So, which is really interesting. So I wonder if you know, yeah, reducing that corn increase connection, because you know then if you can increase that connection with the other person as well, you experience ten times better pleasure as a physical pleasure, let alone a psychological pleasure. Of actual the act of sex versus, you know, people just, you know, doing it because you know well, they are doing it. You know, yeah, yeah, knock another one up. That's a part of the day. Becomes have it, and I think that's the dangerous you know, there's plenty of dangerous things that Paun has. That's the most dangerous that I've experience is the habit aspect of it. And like you can't it's you become like any drug. You coome a victim of it and particularly, and I'm sure this happens with girls too, but I without looking at any research, what's whether I just from talking to people, guys potentially suffer from this at a much under age where you, like you watch porn every single day, like once you figure it out. I think I was like twelve years old and it was just like from that moment, like basically there's essentially nearly ten years of your life, for me anyway, where I you spent watching that thing every day, and that sounds crazy, but it kind of is what it is. There's so many guys that can agree with that. So just just naturally, over time, like you're your orgasm, your experience of that. Ultimately why people are hard wired to have sex is for the orgasm, when that's so cons assistantly linked with like fishal visual stimulation. Yes, exactly right, like that connection is lost with another person because you can just get it on an easy time. You can get whatever you want at any time, you can get different things at any time, and the you know, the active sex is, even though the orgasm last for however long it does, it's with the connection you built with people in the active sex. That's, you know, the beautiful thing about it and not necessarily ending, even though that's everyone's favorite part. That's, you know, it's the connection that you built. And then what what pawn? And I like this is something I still struggle with and I've particularly over the last couple of years I've really focused on eliminating this out of my life and everything else is that, like it just doesn't serve. It serves a very small purpose and it's just one of those things that like, at the same time, like kind of everyone does it in a sense, like so I don't think we have to be shameful of it because, like we all kind of have it in common, but there is like a negative connotation to it, and I believe that is because deep down we all kind of know it's not really it's we're not really designed like it's kind of something that was brought on later in a later in human existence that we kind of deal with now. I think certain amount of experimenting with yourself and like that is I think that's okay, but I think it's accessible. Were talking about when I bring bring neurons, started looking on do that experience of the screen pixels. And yet as of the universe end, you know, he's another at thirty, yet thirty girls at once. The result talking guys on this is because it's easier for guys to be not in the game and still looks, still be like, you know, still experience and you know, noys a more sort of like, you know, still reach a climax, right. The the problem is is, you know, it's easy. I mean I could talk like in this. I think both men and women do the the have the same amount of like porn addiction right by. It's not that, but it's also because when you are having sex days, a certain amount about you know, it's a it's one of those very few moments and you're like a you know, you guys are like experience something so intimate and something so coming from like an equal ground of like where you, guys, is just, you know, in this together, is just you and you and that person, right, which is which is really interesting and but, you know, for for this way, this is I'm going to I'm going to step on through the nice and then correct me when I'm wrong, you know, yeah, you know, one of the things like that we it's for men most of the time experiencing you know, a climax or orgasm is very physical. Right for women is not as much. For Women it's a lot harder to actually, you know, to be to reach that, not every moment. I'm just talking about overall, right, because the there's a fact, like I was actually I read a book about this and and I was like the amount of facts that I...

...read in it. I was shocked. And you know, they're say one things, saying over sixty percent of women women really have sex, or sixty percent other time they don't experience you know, climax or orgasm, right, and that was like a lot of things in they said. What was the reason that you could places that are actually feeling better connection with one of their partners as well, was like, you know, think he's or like, you know, not most of the time having like things, like having sex when they're tired and what. All these cycle things, right, you know, like one partner not being in it, like this, different things and and like, you know, which is really interesting. So I think, as as a man, like if you actually reducing that connection, because you saw involved in port. So that's like, you know, you're kind of fucking up. So for not because you're you just, you know, as guys, your experience very physical level, at a physical level, you know where so you are with your partner. You've got a fucking up there. So, which I think quite interesting to think of our. Now there's another another thing is a lot of time when people are having sex lives, most of them like a ten pm after work and everyone started or drunk after a club, right. And I think if you are in a relationship, you should almost dig dig the like, you know, schedule that shit in, like yeah, I agree, a grey you should really like as if you're a relationship. We schedule The shoe. I mean I schedule in my gym session or a scheduling my drive to the work. Why can't you schedule that it. Yeah, and I mean, like you know, obviously the mood comes into it as well, but I think if you dedicate time to it, then it kind of becomes more of a special thing. I truly but you know what it is, Charlie's like a block on and you under you're going to hear this one out. Have you ever like gone to bed and you want ready to go to that? I you didn't warm up to go into the bed, like going to sleep? Yeah, like going to best sleep. Yet, like, have you ever just gone straight to better hit the bat and like realize that you just didn't feel right because you didn't like wind down? Yeah, pretty much every night. Yeah, and I never knew this because we're all these years. I would like just like trying to sleep and never go I was like the one day I just sort of hung out and, you know, I had a tea and just sort of like little my bed and I was just like chilling right for a bit and then that day I felt sleep so quickly because I sort of calmed myself down and then I was like Oh, that's kind of cool. I had a shower, were and like went through this whole thing. So I think when you schedule that in, like in a sense, and you know you almost when you schedule that in, and you know you schedule that in, and you know you while you get into that and you thinking about it, because obviously you will be right. You know, the let's say you finished work, you know you not today scheduled them, like you'll be thinking about the whole time. Think about the how much more, how much heightened the experience would be because the fact that you had, like, let's say, if you finished work at five and you've got a scheduled in the eight o pot you just be driving home. You but fuck, yeah, boys here or girls? You know, she can what I be like the these apty to decided. Yeah, it kind of talks like it sounds like you're talking about relaxation. I was doing a sex yeah, but I mean, you know, like the relaxation in use that as example is but but it's the same thing. It's I mean, like you know, no one wants to have sex with someone that's fucking wired and like stressed. So I was talking about that. I said, like the way you go to bed is, how don't you go to sleep if you know, if you know, if you don't work up to sleeping just like that, if you'd work up to having sex. When I say why, work up by me mean you get excited about it because you're driving home and you know that which is scheduled in like fuck, yeah, you're speeding down the highway, you know, and you're like, yes, that's a very simple perspective that. But but, yeah, I I completely agree with the scheduling thing. I mean, working full time and then also having a second job on top of that and then, you know, trying to fit in social things and a relationship, it really makes sense to be scheduling sex. And I know that sounds it sounds kind of like, it sounds pretty dry, excuse the pun, but I mean, like, I think it's so true. It's so true, I think, and I, like I said before, if you if you kind of work up to it and, you know, tell your partner, hey, you know, like tonight, let's you know, let's go get a bottle of wine, will order some brains and then, you know, let's send some time together. Yeah, I think that's so much. Yeah, yeah, grow each other's and he's on whatever you like. Push you up that. I know why? Something the reason it sounds dries. is because we we seeing the boobies. Is Because, you know, you have Angelina Jolie and bread breat meeting at the freaking you know, in you know, in Bala, nobody as a should interahiti or Hawaii, and you know where it is beautiful clothes and looking really hard and you know, bread it's got killer ABS. And you know, then they look at each other and then they look...

...at each other again and the next thing you know they dumping into doors and having sex right, because that's the funtany is this is that that's what sex has, what sex people assume it is. It is and you know, as a cup, as a couple. Sure, like you guys see each other, but that's a very lustful like. But that's what people that's what we went. That's why, when I said schedule, that in seems dry. It is because people are assuming that is that's how it needs to be. Yeah, like that's what a passionate that's what such experiences. That's what people are thinking in the head. I mean, I honestly think go home, schedule that schedule, you know, going through the Google calendar and do a recurring on a Wednesday night. We are very quit and make sure you invite your fucking partner and one end. Yeah, it's intended by your boss and Hashtag made to and and if it yeah, and if it works two times out of ten, that I think it's working. Like it's not going to happen every time, because it isn't one of those things you can just kind of lock in and do. But like it. If the intent is there, then that's that's kind of a good habit to be in and helps build yeah, that's that's a good idea. It's a good idea for sure. Yeah, and I mean, like you said, even if that, if sex is not possible for one night or whatever, just do something else that's lovely. Yes, doesn't have to. Thanks, you know, could be just something. That could be a message, because it's still into an internet and it's still has the same ability to connect the till of here, for sure. For I think Duchess one of the strongest senses that human have, and there's duchess an incredible experience. In fact, humans creve be being touched, which is really interesting. Actually, I'm will it's you're always wondered why, but you know, that's me incredible. So I think that's probably something that you could do as well. Yes, schedule that bitch in now the Hah all right, just like how we said earlier, communicate, right, it's important. Hmm, I think this is. This is another time the communication is super important, okay, because I think you have to learn what your partner wants and what works for your partner and what what you think. You know what, this might be a guid thing as well. Once again, is the guiding because guys are normally just okay, right, so this is a guys think it's so they need to start of like, you know, have like what works for your partner, because what's are done? They think, they're just like yeah, fuck, yeah, you know, I'm a secum. You know it, just I just made my girlfriend live, you know, experience the Organsm of my life. But most of the time. So I think if you're a guy, I think having that conversation about like what works be but and what they want. And if you're a guy, that even right. You doesn't really matter who you are. Having that communication is also really important. And also, can I say, a girl is never going to be pissed off or annoyed that their partners asking them or anyone. I'm assuming that no one, a boy, woman, girl, whatever you are, will not be annoyed for their partner asking what they like sexually. Yeah, definitely. So, you know, don't be afraid to have a sensation, unless is their best mite. That is like in fact. And you know, and no the like. You know, more of more physical ships, if you ever. You know, if you guys want to Shit, make sure you guys can sue a lot of micro nitro oxide precurss cursals our stills and that. You know, that's a natural blood boosters, so your blood flow is increased and you're able to experience a lot more higher sensiion. Okay, I'm going to be honest. What the Hell did you de say? What is all NITRO NITRO oxide precursins? What is that? So it's like it comes with food. So it seen things like things like beetroot. It's especially fat, rude. Is the least sexy thing to have dinner before fucking increasing Dick. Oh, like you can. You can get it. Oxide precursort bids. So you know, you can get ten and they're all like you. They know, like they're really good for your heart, as in the actually hot biels like to have healthy heart, but what they do is the actually steps increases blood flow, more oxygen to the body, that sort of things. Yeah, can be little things that you can use. Yeah, so you're it's one of the only things in the world that make you sharper in a sense where like you have a better blood flow. So then, so they dilate your like blood, vessus in, but in a really good way, in natural blood. So NSWER. So they're good. You know, you got things. What was a wad? Blond has it as well. So what melon has that oxide pre results. So there you go, guys, and look yourself up and make sure you talk to your partners and you know, I think you you'd be on your way to have an incredible sex life. The problem is, you know so many people. Yet this the guy think. But you know, guys...

...walk around thinking and at the end of the day, don't be a threader for our farm up the ASS, like you know, there's never hurt. No, would maybe ask first. Yeah, communication is poor. Look, if you if you're gonna, if you're gonna check a little cheeky thumb up, please have some lurbe nearby and use it until that is that it's a it'll always end poorly. That's right, I've got, contrary to popular yeah, that's right, contrary to popular belief, tiers and not a good lubrications that we're reaching. We're reached. Yeah, we're reaching it out a half. It start to get crazy. This bit of fucking. This has been my probably my favorite podcast so far. Really appreciate you coming on, Charlotte's been fucking awesome. Thanks. Oh No, thanks so much. This has been great, but I'd like it. But you, guys again. It's fun. I feel like there's so much talk about this to you. Yeah, myself, but always like I'm running good. But anyway, this is the good time. Also. Lastly, if you have such sex after working out, this actually done, does better than actually having sex without working out, even if you go for a like ten minute walk before him text. So that's any good. This is a really good yeah, right, and then have a nice, juicy k bad yet for would all the good times kitties. Thank you so much. Thank you, guys. Thanks so much for having me. Loves it. Yeah, I'll pleasure. It's been really good. Open invitation again. Love you, dude. Give you. I'm a kiss for me and have a good time. This has been twelve done this podcast. Episode Number Nine. Guys,.

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